TW: Discussion of sexual arousal, transphobia, depression, light mention of pedophilia.
I’m going to skip the “it feels like this month went by so quickly” bit this time because it is getting a bit cliched and will just get on with the recap first.
So, in contrast to last month where there were no new reviews (meaning reviews that we’re not re-posts), there were four new reviews this month errr four and a half…. okay 4 and two halves… which makes five. Yeah, the Euphoria impressions piece is kinda one and there was some appendages added to the Sakura Spirit review, so i guess that kinda counts. So I had three Steam Greenlight Landfill entries, which I think may be a bit of a side thing between bigger reviews. Lord knows that I have enough in my Steam library that could qualify. Pretty much any time I see anything anime enough in an Indiegala bundle I end up getting it without any clue if the games are even halfway decent or not (they probably aren’t).
The funny thing is that I’m not much of an indie scene person despite the fact that a large chunk of my reviews on GameFAQs are of obscure Indie titles. That’s not to say I have anything against them, hell I’m far more open minded to these types of games then most are. I will just say that a likely reason there are so many reviews of these games is because they are a lot shorter. So there are plenty of reviews currently up on GameFAQs that will be re-edited for posting here, and there are a lot of RPG Maker games, Ren’py visual novels, and “retro throwbacks” for me to cover. Of course, I’m not going to voluntarily cover anything that I don’t think will at least be interesting and I tend to go in with an optimistic perspective regardless.
But then there is my meatier content, the “Detailed Reviews.” I got one in for The Tenth Line after taking so long with the game and I am glad to have finally completed that review, and of course Euphoria is next. I will just say that, despite how strong my first impressions of Euphoria were, I don’t think anything could have prepared me for the rest of the game. The impressions piece touched on the subject of horror and how scary it was, but talking about that was only scratching the surface of this game. While Euphoria is not my personal favorite game of all time, I can feel pretty confident in saying that it has the deepest story out of any of them. I don’t think there is a single emotion that Euphoria has not made me feel, good or bad.
I am reminded of something said in TheMysteriousMrEnter’s review of Mr.Pickles that was something along the lines of “when you are creating for adults, you have the entire palette of human experience at your finger tips, so it makes no sense why so many cartoons choose to paint the entire thing shit brown.” Considering that he also said that he felt that negatively reviewing gross out shows felt like bashing hentai for having porn, it is a strangely fitting comparison.
Despite having a reputation as kind of a pervert, I don’t have that much hentai experience aside from looking at naughty pictures online. The main reason for this is partially because I can only enjoy erotic or pornographic content passively and can rarely feel a strong sense of arousal from something. My antidepressants make it exponentially more difficult to sustain sexual arousal, and it is bad enough that I never NEVER consciously ejaculated, and I’ve only ever even tried to masturbate a few times, which only ended with me wasting my time and getting pissed off. As a result, I tend to simply view sexual arousal as just another form of entertainment and I am not as easily influenced by them.
Hence why it actually kinda pisses me off when jackasses online act like I am obsessed with hentai and porn when the actual pleasure I gain from it is far less than most people do. Oh but because I’m not completely ashamed of my sexuality and I acknowledge that, yes, fetishes and porn exist and that people have them it must be my entire personality. To be honest, I don’t even consider myself to be THAT perverted in general (at least not compared to a lot of people out there, I am undeniably more perverted than average though), and I’m a lot less so than before I came out. Part of the reason may just be because I was still finding out about my sexuality back then. I still thought I was bisexual back then, but it just turned out that I craved attention and validation so much that I just felt nice whenever someone was nice to me, regardless of gender.
Anyway, the reason I brought up this odd fact is because that means I hold eroge to a much higher standard than most do and I cannot simply be entertained by having tits on screen, and it takes more to keep me aroused, and as a result, I will pick up on other flaws in writing or presentation a lot easier. It is almost as if I start to hold actual expectations for eroge like any other game. Of course, this could also be because I think adult games should actually be “adult” and not be written for depraved 12 year olds. That is not to say that a game can’t be pure fap material, but just make sure that it is GOOD fap material.
Case in point, Euphoria is a game that is painted with the entire palette of the human experience, including that which most will never experience themselves. I came across some seriously fucked up shit that was on the same level as Starless, possibly even worse, but there actually felt like there was a purpose to it all in the end and there was enough stuff to counteract it. However, I will say that if you don’t like hentai than it IS NOT recommended for you try out Euphoria since it may just be too much for most. That’s all I will say for now since my full feelings about this game cannot be described in just a few paragraphs.
Anyway, I now have the Keijo commentaries all on site but I am still undecided if I will start it back up again just yet. Currently I am watching Death Note for the first time (the REAL Death Note that is) and I may write something about it, but it’s unlikely I will be doing a commentary for it given its length. I do definitely have some ideas for anime commentaries, but I am unsure of when I will start a new one up or resume older ones.
Of course, the fact that I got so many reviews done this month meant there was no political content, aside from re-uploading the Heatstreet Keijo rant, and my thoughts on how to approach political content are a bit mixed. On one hand, Guardian Acorn is intended as a gaming blog first and foremost, and part of the reason that is the case is because politics are draining as hell. Political articles are incredible taxing on me because I need to have very strong feelings about something in order to make an article about it, enough that I can complete one in only a few sittings. I had articles on both Blaire White and Laci Green in the making for over two months now, and with the former having amassed over 3000 words, yet I ultimately scrapped both of them.
I am, in fact, a feminist and I am somewhat of a trans activist, although not a professional one. Both gaming and activism make up a core component of my being, and part of the reason that I tend to use my feminist beliefs in my gaming related content is simply to prove that the two can coexist peacefully. While I believe that the gaming community reacted a bit too strongly to Anita Sarkeesian… okay A LOT too strongly, I still cannot stand her. She came into an industry that she was only vaguely familiar with and proceeded to paint the entire industry as woman hating while only looking at mainstream AAA titles and giving them nothing more than a surface look.
Say what you will about gamer culture, but the games themselves ARE NOT misogynist, or at least not any more than most other media. Not to mention she’s just flat out unpleasant to watch. I actually liked her first four FREQ Show episodes and thought that she may have been improving, only when the first actual season started, she went to shit again, and she is still your stereotypical 2nd waver that demonizes all sexuality while pretending lesbians don’t exist. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if she pulled a Laci Green and started demonizing trans women while saying she supports us.
Anyway, I refuse to give that situation any further thought so I will just try and state what I would like to do in regards to social justice activism. I would like to contribute to it in a different way. I don’t simply want to pick fights and make angry rants all the time. Of course, I couldn’t help but get angry in some of my earlier rants, since I’m no saint and can only withstand so much bullshit before I blow my top off. I do have a feeling that if I did so, I would get a fair amount of people who would read this because I am in a bit of a rare position when it comes to today’s political climate.
I have been tempted to consider myself a centrist, but I decided against it because I’m not the “Nazis and SJWs are just as bad” type. I dislike both but I know who I’m going to side with if civil war breaks out, and it’s not the group that tried to have my people exterminated. In fact, it is enormously enraging that we have literal nazis making a comeback yet centrists are going on about “muh SJWs” and bitching about needing to remove confederate statues and such. TBH, I couldn’t give a shit about whether the statues stay or go, but the fact that anyone does is pretty telling.
If I were to focus more on political commentary, I want to be focused on being myself and not siding with a specific group, and I have the feeling I would gain a stronger following that way, but I want to keep this blog gaming focused because it’s easier on me. The thing about activism is that you are NEVER supposed to be doing it for “fun,” you are supposed to do so to help people in need, and quite simply put, I’ve seen too many close friends of mine express suicidal thoughts, go without food, and get abused by their parents to pretend it doesn’t exist, and I feel as though I need to do something, even if it’s just through writing. I would be doing serious activism if I had the money and wasn’t agoraphobic, but that ship has sailed. Of course, this blog is always going to be mostly gaming focused since this is MY personal blog and I’m obsessed with games, but I can’t just turn my back from politics, which is why I plan to do a bit more on them.
In terms of planned content, I’m still working on bringing back JRPG Update and I plan to get to Cosmic Star Heroine and Contraption Maker soon enough. As for reviews I plan to write, there is still everything I have been mentioning, but you can also add a mediocre DS RPG called Inuyasha: Secret of the Divine Jewel. However, my content for the month of October is going to be Halloween themed, and I am working on a new Disturbing Video Game songs countdown, and the songs from the first list will not be included.
For site progress, I am now down to $1.00 a month from last week’s $5.00, and that is rather disheartening. I am hoping to get on SSI and if I do then that will mean money shouldn’t be a concern, but the fact that I have not been gaining any supporters just makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong. Of course, one does not need to donate in order for me to feel successful, but I feel like I’m just kinda speaking into a void where nothing I say makes any impact. I was thinking that the success of my articles on Jed Whitaker and Zinnia Jones meant that my content would make an impact, but nothing else has even come close to those.
I keep flip flopping back and forth between whether I feel the need to get this blog to be a successful career simply because depression is weighing heavily on my mind and makes me feel like I can’t do anything else. Of course, nothing is stopping me from applying for SSI aside from needing to ask my dad a few question, but it’s easier said than done. This feeling is going to be hard for anyone who is neurotypical to understand, and even some people who aren’t neurotypical. Having aspergers basically amounts to one needing to fight against their own mind supplying them false information.
I know that, logically, there is no reason to not just apply for SSI, but when I think of doing it, my brain just sends a signal to the rest of my body that says “DON’T” because it tells me it’s going to be a pain in the ass. Of course it might be, but a lot of things in life are and it should not be letting me do so. The problem is that this type of shit happens to almost EVERYTHING I do, even things I enjoy. I used to be able to play games every day, but now I can rarely get myself to unless it’s something that I really like, which does not happen until I’ve already made a habit of playing said game. And of course, when said game is over, I just don’t feel like playing anything else.
As such, i can only ever comfortably do stuff I’m already in the habit of doing, which mostly consists of writing and fucking around on social media, and it’s a struggle to do anything else. And just about all of this feels random as hell to, like I need to get the planets to align just right for me to feel the right mood for something, and that mood may be gone in an instant. I obviously know that the solution is to just do so anyway, but it’s easier said than done. Either way, that’s what I’m going to do regardless.
Of course, there is a back and forth argument going on in my mind about whether or not being well known would be a good thing. There was an article I read yesterday titled “I‘m a Trans Woman and I Don’t Know How to do This” and the author Katelyn Burns said she originally wanted the title to be “I’m a trans woman and I want to die.” I would highly recommend that you all check this out, but be warned that it is VERY DEPRESSING, and will be triggering to other trans people.
The thing is, I see this shit happen constantly to other trans women, or at least any with a remotely left leaning view. Unless you’re an AIW puppet like Blaire White, you can expect to be mobbed repeatedly by transphobes and have nothing done about it because even with the increased awareness of transgendity, or perhaps even because of it, a lot of people think we deserve it.
I don’t want to go into that much more about how disgusting transphobes are because I assume that anyone reading this already knows this is the case, and yes I know that Katelyn Burns is a little bit more towards the stereotypical feminist viewpoint than I am. Yes it could just be possible that the only people who get stalked, doxed, and harassed are those with radical leftist views and that if I continue to act reasonably and understand then I won’t attract such strong hatred, but I don’t have that much faith in humanity.
The problem is that trans people tend to get punished far more harshly then cis people do for the same crimes. If Anita Sarkeesian or Zoe Quinn were a trans woman, she would have likely been assaulted in real life or possibly even killed by this point; they would have made sure of it. These far right jackoffs simply hate being told they are wrong for being bigoted cunts so much that they will go out of their way to twist ANYTHING they can find about a trans person in order to justify to themselves that they are right to be bigoted cunts.
Of course, there are also trans people that are just flat out horrible people, but when right wingers and TERFs say the same thing about literally EVERY trans person, it comes across as if they are crying wolf. It is because of this that it does not matter what any transphobic activist says or what any trans person does; an increasingly large number of people will see through it and view them for the disgusting scumbags they are.
Now this is great… except for when the person being targeted actually is a terrible person. If you say that every trans person is a pedophile, what are you going to do when you find one who actually fucks children? And yes I did say “when” because there very likely is a trans person who is also a child molester somewhere in this world, and if they get caught, you can expect that they will have the media on their side because you idiots pull this shit on EVERY trans person. You transphobes have dug your own graves, and I would laugh at you for doing so if you didn’t drag down a bunch of unwilling victims with you, many of whom are also trans. No I’m not going to give any names here because I don’t want this to go any further.
But yeah, I’m not entirely certain that I can avoid the serious type of anti feminist backlash that types like Milo Stewart and Riley J Dennis received just because I am slightly more sympathetic to anti SJW views, and I could end up putting myself and my family in danger in the worst case scenario, but I also could end up doing things differently and mostly end up respect by all except for a few extremist nutcases. But of course, I don’t entirely know if I should have a focus on activism; it’s all a blur and so unclear. Well, I don’t know but I can’t be wrong.
Heh heh, see what I did there?
Well that just leaves my shoutouts, which include Ryumaou once again. Even if it’s not nearly as much as before, I still greatly appreciate any support I get from anyone regardless of its size. I would also like to thank CarefulSteps, who gave me a $40.00 Paypal donation, and I am very grateful for that. I would like to thank my 3 GFs who I am in a polyamorous relationship with, Lyra Saga, Tachibana-chan, and Kim (whose account I am nervous about giving away because she’s the very shy type) for the support I have been given from them. Lastly, I would just like to thank anyone else who has offered me any type of support over the last month or prior to that. I am eternally grateful.
Well, that about wraps up this month’s update, just remember that in real life, there is no reset button.
Random Clanoffthegreywolf tribute ftw.
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