I find myself increasingly curious about where I am heading in the future each time I create one of these monthly update posts. I have had a recurring problem in regards to following through on large ambitions throughout most of my life resulting mostly from my depression and tendency to get easily discouraged or overwhelmed. It is because of this that I feel so elated how far I have come in the last year. I don’t want to completely make HRT out to be some sort of miracle cure and to at least give myself some credit, but there is a reason it’s considered medically necessary. It may take some people an agonizingly long time to get it, but it will be SO worth it. I may still have overwhelming odds against me but I still feel confident in myself that I can overcome them. Anyway here is article recap for March 2018.
Only about two months left until this site hits its 1 year Anniversary. It surprises me that I kept this up, and I can only imagine that it surprised others as well. Then again, I am a reclusive writer who spends all her time inside and thus has the time to waste on providing a frequent supply of content. My average in views has quadrupled since I start back in May of last year and I’ve posted over 100 articles to this site. It makes me happy to see how well this is proceeding since I am well aware that getting the first few are always the hardest and that as your views increase, the rate at which one accumulates views often increases as well. That’s assuming I continue to create content that draws people here.
Of note is that I still would like to bring some other people on to this site so if anyone wants to write something for here they may do so. Additionally, if anyone is interested in doing a collaborative piece then I wouldn’t mind doing so. Of course it would depend on the subject in question but nonetheless I’d be interested. Anyway, here is last month’s article recap.
As I write this, my 23rd birthday has just passed a few days ago. Right now I feel… strange. I would not say that I’m depressed but I am not necessarily stimulated either. I wouldn’t say that I feel bad but it does seem like there is something missing; something I should be doing or have done already. It almost seems difficult to process everything. I look back on my life and see how much has changed and also how much has stayed the same. There once was a period where I held no desire to go on living and simply wished for whatever entity or god that exists to strike me down. That is no longer the case for me. Now, I wish to see just how far I can go in life.
And I wrote that paragraph last night and this one is being written the next morning where my eyes are itching like nuts and I feel physically uncomfortable. What I said in that last paragraph is still true but I don’t feel like faking enthusiasm just so I can keep up with the same tone. I feel confused. Like I just tend to be in certain moods for no reason and FUCK MY EYES ITCH LIKE NUTS!!!!
Well, we made it folks. 2018 has arrived and we are all still here… barely. Granted, the fact that I am currently sick as I am writing this probably helps me relate to that feeling. I don’t know what it is that gets me so melodramatic. Every time I get remotely sick or unwell, I start thinking I’m going to die. Then again, I’m an overthinker in general.
It becomes nerve wracking to think that any day could be your last, and that you never know when your life will be cut short. As such, I will right this piece with the possibility that I could die either tomorrow or even mid typing. If one has seen my Amazing VGM on “The Weight of the World” or has paid attention to other shit I said, they may have notice that I have high aspirations.
However, if I were to die right now, I would have been fully satisfied with how it ended. I may only be 22, 23 in a month, but up until the last few months, it felt more like I was 80. i don’t know if I have any right to say that considering those whom have experienced far greater hardships than I have, but nonetheless, taking HRT has freed my mind in unbelievable ways. Read more
Well I finally got around to linking the last of my game reviews from Oprainfall. Surprisingly, I did not care for this game. I actually had fairly high expectations for it given that I am a fan of ecchi titles like Hyperdimension Neptunia and Senran Kagura, but this one just didn’t grab me. Well to be fair, it DID grab me eventually… during the second to last area of the game. The character backstories were strongly emotional and engaging, it is just s shame that the game tells you next to NOTHING about these characters prior and leaves you little to get invested in. Most of my disappointment came from its premise though and how it was executed, as I do go over in the review.
Still here folks, have been doing this for six months and am still going on strong! This is definitely a good sign as I am really enjoying this. It is really great to see that people are enjoying my content and that I get to talk about things I have not motivated myself to do so previously. Additionally, it feels like I am enjoying games a lot more than I have from 2014-2016. HRT likely plays a part in it since my body is now being purged of literal toxic masculinity, but it feels like there have been more games I have played this year for the first time that really made me feel the same sense of awe and wonderment I did back in my years prior to 2013.
Of course, the reason why It was that way for me back then was because I created a habit for myself after school each day of logging onto the computer and checking out my usual sites that usually consisted of checking Cracked, Gamesrader, and every Youtube channel I frequent (because I was too nervous to create an account of my own for some reason), and HCBailly’s forum some time in 2012 until I was finally inspired to create an account there after relentlessly stalking the forum’s conversations. There were some periods where I was less motivated than others, but I still was compelled to play games for at least a half hour every day at a specific time.
TW: Discussion of sexual arousal, transphobia, depression, light mention of pedophilia.
I’m going to skip the “it feels like this month went by so quickly” bit this time because it is getting a bit cliched and will just get on with the recap first.
Update: Everything here is now void. The current Patreon rules can be read here.
Yeah, I realized that the current system still isn’t cutting it, so I decided to scrap the current system and put something new in place. Part of the reason is mainly because I know that there is more to this blog than just reviews, and that no one is going to want to pay $30 just to see a game they like covered. As such, I decided to see if I could come up with better content. The rewards are now as follows.
I think this is the second to last game review written for Oprainfall that I need to link. Anyway I really don’t think much of this particular game.
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TW: References to suicide, rape, animal abuse, pedophillia and violence… yep, I talk about Starless and Shoujo Tsubaki again in this article. Also towards the end it starts to get sad as I talk about death and grief.
I can’t decide whether or not it felt like this month went by quickly or slowly, but all I can say is that my mind has been bouncing all over the place. I will go from happily enjoying myself in the day to having an emotional breakdown in the middle of the night on more than one occasion. This is more than likely because of HRT as it has been known for making people a lot more emotional. The funny thing is that even though I often look at the news around me and break down because it feels like the world is going to end, the fact that I can feel these strong emotions makes me feel…alive. It feels like HRT has unlocked all these pent up emotions in me and I am now able to feel so much more than I did before. I have often said that I was emotional even prior too HRT, but this is a whole other level. Anyway, here is the recap of last month.