So… I was banned from Twitter.
I’m honestly not surprised. I kinda knew this was going to happen considering how prone to abuse Twitter’s report system and how scattershot in its implementation it is. Infamous right wing nutcase Alex Jones was not suspended until he started harassing Jack Dorsey in person despite the fact that Twitter ADMITTED he violated the of service multiple times.
While I kinda saw it coming, I will admit that I am rather frustrated by this. Not frustrated enough to chain myself to Twitter’s front door to block the entrance and call the police mind you, but annoyed nonetheless. Well to be truthful it’s more saddening than anything. Read more
It’s funny how I remember that there was a point in time where these months were just going by so fast yet it now feels like an eternity has passed through each update. I have not been in the best place emotionally as of late. I really don’t want to talk about my failed relationship anymore because it feels wrong to publicize it any further, but I just haven’t been the same since then.
I should be happy right now with so many supportive fans and all the progress I made, but I’m not. Believe it or not, I’ve been trying my hardest to suppress my grief over this failed relationship of mine. It’s always been easier for me to cope with grief when I can just let it out publicly, but I have come to regret making some things regarding her public. I guess that’s just the key difference between us; she never wanted to be brought into this. That’s why I’m not mentioning her by name anymore.
As if that wasn’t enough, being with Twitter for a week made me realize just how dependent on it I truly am. In the period since the breakup, I have since played LISA: The Painful, The Beginner’s Guide, Persona 3, and Saya no Uta. All four of these games have major themes in moving on from past trauma, dependency, and coping with one’s disastrous and alienating fuckups. Due to a conversation I had with some close friends of mine, I have decided to pursue Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It’s quite clear I need some kinda of treatment, and seeing my step brother as concerned about me as he was made me finally understand it for certain that I need this. Besides, I need this in order to stop all this painful depression. Anyway here is the article recap for last month. Read more
Note: This story is a work of erotica that is NOT intended for anyone under the age of 18 or their respective country’s legal age. Also a MAJOR CW for gender dysphoria and transphobia.
Gretchen awoke in darkness. She could not see a thing and her arms were bound tightly behind her back and her legs were frozen solid. She can only vaguely remember what happened before she passed out. The more she remembered, the more hairs on the back of her head stood on end from sheer terror. She tried her hardest to scream for help but she could not emit any sounds from her mouth no matter how hard she tried. If she had any way of perceiving her own body, she’d be in tears right now.
As she waited in nothing but complete darkness, she started to remember what happened more clearly. She remembers that a man in a mini-skirt tried to rape her and kill her… no wait, was that what really happened? No wait, she was the man in the mini-skirt that tried to kill her. But wait, wasn’t she a woman? What’s going on here! What is going on with her mind! Read more
Note: This story is a work of erotica that is NOT intended for anyone under the age of 18 or their respective country’s legal age, although there is no sex in this first chapter. This chapter also contains depictions of transphobia and violence.
Alissa was nervous. She was a newly out trans girl out in public for the first time presenting as a woman. I sent her a text message telling her to meet me at the local lesbian bar dressed in heels, a miniskirt, and a thong. I told her not to worry if she “passes” or not, as I would ensure that nothing would happen. She didn’t “pass” very well by traditional standards. Read more
The last month has felt strange to me. I have had a lot of ups and downs and it feels like my mood has been all over the place. The notable change is that I’m trying to ween off every medication of mine except for HRT. I had the realization fairly recently that all these meds may have caused more problems then I solved. I was given medication after medication for my depression since I was in fifth grade when I know for certain that it from latent gender dysphoria. Therefore I can gather that these medications are no longer necessary now that I’ve been on HRT for over a year. Not to mention I’ve looked up the side effects for a lot of these meds and realized that most of them have “depression” and “suicidal thoughts” listed, so I think I may have found a leading culprit.
Unfortunately three of these meds will have nasty withdrawal side effects if I quite them so I need to slowly ween off them. Simply decreasing my Propranolol dosage by 10 milligrams every 10 days has made me feel a lot better, and I will soon be off it completely. I then need to wait a month to check in with my psychiatrist before I quite Cymbalta and Trazodone, so it may take some time. However it does seem like things are going smoothly enough thus far. (Update: It didn’t go smoothly) Anyway here is last month’s article recap. Read more
It feels genuinely surprising that I made it through the past few months. I was literally in the ER back on May 22nd yet now I feel stronger than I have ever been. It is not because my troubles have just disappeared all of a sudden, but for once in my life I know that I can overcome them. I have become far more confident in myself than I used to be and know that I can accomplish some great things, and I’m not going to let any transphobes or dumb assess drag me down.
The fact that my breakup did not kill me has proven that NOTHING will. I am emotionally indestructible and have returned from the brink of absolute emotional despair. Additionally, I know that I have talents and abilities that others cannot hope to match, and I know I am destined for greatness. Over the past couple of years it has set in slowly that I can make all my dreams come true if I just keep pushing further and further, and it’s now more plainly obvious than Trump’s idiocy.
I certainly regret how I ended my last relationship, but I refuse to let guilt weigh me down and prevent me from growing as a person. I’ve already accomplished a lot, more than most people ever will in fact. My blog has been up for only a year and it has been growing at quite a rapid rate and I’ve gotten almost nothing but positive feedback. That’s not to say there is no negative feedback and I am certainly going to make a point to respond better to any of it, but I think I know well enough that all I need is to expose my content to more people then this blog is gonna be yuuuuugee! Read more
I find myself increasingly curious about where I am heading in the future each time I create one of these monthly update posts. I have had a recurring problem in regards to following through on large ambitions throughout most of my life resulting mostly from my depression and tendency to get easily discouraged or overwhelmed. It is because of this that I feel so elated how far I have come in the last year. I don’t want to completely make HRT out to be some sort of miracle cure and to at least give myself some credit, but there is a reason it’s considered medically necessary. It may take some people an agonizingly long time to get it, but it will be SO worth it. I may still have overwhelming odds against me but I still feel confident in myself that I can overcome them. Anyway here is article recap for March 2018.
Only about two months left until this site hits its 1 year Anniversary. It surprises me that I kept this up, and I can only imagine that it surprised others as well. Then again, I am a reclusive writer who spends all her time inside and thus has the time to waste on providing a frequent supply of content. My average in views has quadrupled since I start back in May of last year and I’ve posted over 100 articles to this site. It makes me happy to see how well this is proceeding since I am well aware that getting the first few are always the hardest and that as your views increase, the rate at which one accumulates views often increases as well. That’s assuming I continue to create content that draws people here.
Of note is that I still would like to bring some other people on to this site so if anyone wants to write something for here they may do so. Additionally, if anyone is interested in doing a collaborative piece then I wouldn’t mind doing so. Of course it would depend on the subject in question but nonetheless I’d be interested. Anyway, here is last month’s article recap.
As I write this, my 23rd birthday has just passed a few days ago. Right now I feel… strange. I would not say that I’m depressed but I am not necessarily stimulated either. I wouldn’t say that I feel bad but it does seem like there is something missing; something I should be doing or have done already. It almost seems difficult to process everything. I look back on my life and see how much has changed and also how much has stayed the same. There once was a period where I held no desire to go on living and simply wished for whatever entity or god that exists to strike me down. That is no longer the case for me. Now, I wish to see just how far I can go in life.
And I wrote that paragraph last night and this one is being written the next morning where my eyes are itching like nuts and I feel physically uncomfortable. What I said in that last paragraph is still true but I don’t feel like faking enthusiasm just so I can keep up with the same tone. I feel confused. Like I just tend to be in certain moods for no reason and FUCK MY EYES ITCH LIKE NUTS!!!!
Well, we made it folks. 2018 has arrived and we are all still here… barely. Granted, the fact that I am currently sick as I am writing this probably helps me relate to that feeling. I don’t know what it is that gets me so melodramatic. Every time I get remotely sick or unwell, I start thinking I’m going to die. Then again, I’m an overthinker in general.
It becomes nerve wracking to think that any day could be your last, and that you never know when your life will be cut short. As such, I will right this piece with the possibility that I could die either tomorrow or even mid typing. If one has seen my Amazing VGM on “The Weight of the World” or has paid attention to other shit I said, they may have notice that I have high aspirations.
However, if I were to die right now, I would have been fully satisfied with how it ended. I may only be 22, 23 in a month, but up until the last few months, it felt more like I was 80. i don’t know if I have any right to say that considering those whom have experienced far greater hardships than I have, but nonetheless, taking HRT has freed my mind in unbelievable ways. Read more