Has it Held up? – Metroid (NES) (Standard Review)

Metroid | metroids

Recently I decided to play through the original Metroid on a whim. I have a specific set of games I want to play through but I always tend to deviate from that schedule eventually. The reason why I decided to was because I have actually never played the first Metroid before this. I have played through Super Metroid, Metroid Prime, and Metroid Fusion before but not the original. Granted I could have just played the remake Metroid: Zero Mission for the GBA but I wanted to see how the series started. I wanted to play through the first Metroid just so I can ask, has it held up?

The answer to that the original Metroid does in fact pass the test of time, but it does so with a C minus. I did have fun with Metroid but there was a lot of shit that really interfered with that and will be difficult to go back to. Nonetheless there is still quite a bit that puts this game ahead of mediocre clones like Legends of the Universe – Starcore even with the game’s age. Read more

Dear Esther (PC/PS4/XONE): Vague Incomprehensible Nonsense (Standard Review)

Dear Esther | Logo

I’m not entirely sure how to feel about Dear Esther. I did enjoy it to an extent, far more so than I have enjoyed games influenced by its design. Specifically, I really enjoyed the graphical design and the music of the game, and the story actually had some layer of depth to it. Despite this though, I still did not find myself satisfied with it at the end of the day. It may be pretty, it may sound nice, and it may show some level of competence that was not shown in games like Gone Home, but it still does not change the fact that it is still a gameplay-less walking simulator that is over in less than two hours.

While the story does have some amount of depth to it, it is not a story that is particularly entertaining to see play out. The reason for this is due to the abstract nature of the plot. Dear Esther is not like any traditional form of storytelling that puts you in the perspective of a character and tells a story from his or her view. In Dear Esther, you do not even know who you are playing as or who the narrator is. In fact, you never see any characters in this game. There are no cutscenes or anything; it all just consists of walking forward and narration. Read more

Hip Hop EP Review: Binge (Machine Gun Kelly)

Machine Gun Kelly | Binge

This review is going to be a bit more brief than the last hip hop album review I wrote. For these type of reviews, I usually prefer to listen to each track multiple times to properly examine them and to actually purchase the album in question in order to hear it in higher quality than on a Youtube upload. I cannot nor do I want to do that for this album, and I plan to express why.

And before I do that, I’m going to address the obvious elephant in the room. Yes I am a fan of Eminem and wrote a 5000+ word piece defending one of his most panned albums, and I stand by that. I do still plan to get around to writing about Kamikaze but I decided to listen MGK’s latest work. Read more

Standard Review: Gargoyle’s Quest (Game Boy)

Gargoyle's Quest | title Screen

Having been born in 1995 and grown up in the 6th and 7th console generations, I missed out on a lot of classic titles. I didn’t know how to use emulators at the time and I was always very careful using my money so I didn’t get every virtual console title I was interested in. For fucks sake I only just recently started playing through the Castlevania series. The issue that comes with trying to revisit these older games is that not only is there a fuck ton of them, but that new games don’t stop coming out either.

Then there are people like me who have backlogs with 900+ games and who is constantly watching all corners of the market for anything interesting. Gargoyle’s Quest is not quite as popular as a lot of the more fondly remembered classics of the time period. For those that don’t know, Gargoyle’s Quest is a spinoff of the Maki-mura/Ghosts ‘n Goblins series starring one of those little red demons that everyone hates so much. I kinda failed to mention in my review of Ghosts ‘n Goblins that the original arcade game was from 1985 and thus was pretty advanced for the time but likely aged poorly. The same can probably be said of Gargoyle’s Quest. Read more

Steam Greenlight Landfill: The Path

The Path | Logo

The Path is…. weird. I was considering just not reviewing this game because normally it doesn’t look like good form to say “Fuck I don’t know” in a game review, but that’s basically my thoughts on The Path in a nutshell.

For those unaware, The Path was the first major title of the indie studio Tale of Tales. Tale of Tales is basically the equivalent of if Coda from The Beginner’s Guide actually existed and sold his games. This was a major issue I had with the first game they released, known as The Graveyard. The Path is an improvement over The Graveyard in that there is actual longevity and an overarching story to it. There is actual shit to do and some aspects that are almost kind of like a game. But The Path is not any more enjoyable to play than The Graveyard. Read more

Standard Review: Ghosts ‘n Goblins (Arcade/C64/ZX/NES/Amiga/GBC/WS/GBA/PC/IOS/Android)

Ghosts 'n Goblins | Level 1

Ghosts ‘n Goblins was always infamous for being one of the hardest games ever made. That statement is pretty much 100% accurate, Ghosts ‘n Goblins is so difficult that it is only on the border of how difficult a game can be while still being playable. One should note that I am using the word “difficult” and not “challenging.” The reason I say this is because being challenging is generally a good thing as it implies that a game brings you up to its own level by being demanding and through its design.

Ghosts ‘n Goblins, on the other hand, is just difficult in the sense that it is very patience trying and unfun. Before I hear the parade of apologists proclaiming “git gud” I should make it clear that I did beat this game twice, and yes I am counting it as twice regardless of that stunt they pulled the first time. Ghosts ‘n Goblins may be beatable, but it isn’t exactly an enjoyable game to play. Most players will be having far more frustration than fun and beating it serves no purpose other than bragging rights. Read more

Steam Greenlight Landfill: The Graveyard

It really blows my mind that any developer could release a game like The Graveyard and think it is a good idea. I do not even mean that in the sense that it was an incomplete game; I mean that as in this game was dead on arrival (no pun intended). In concept, one can already tell that The Graveyard does not even attempt to be a good game. I will do my best to keep this review from devolving into a rant, but I cannot make any promises.

In The Graveyard, you play as an old woman who is walking slowly to a bench. You then sit down on the bench, wait for five minutes while a very bland and droning song sang in German plays. Afterwards, you get up and walk out of the graveyard; that’s it. One may naively think that I am just being snarky and leaving out exactly how these events occur, but I am not. That is literally all that happens in this game. Read more

The Beginner’s Guide (PC): A Postmodern Masterpiece (Detailed Review)

The Beginner's Guide | The Machine

This review took me quite a while to get to now didn’t it? I didn’t expect much going into The Beginner’s Guide and I didn’t know a thing about it. Pretty much all the odds were stacked against this game clicking with me. I’ve made it known that I detest the “environmental narrative” genre and I consider games like Gone Home and Dear Esther mediocre at absolute best and terrible at worst. Even some of the arguably better examples like Yume Nikki don’t really do anything for me.

I adore The Beginner’s Guide though. Until I played Euphoria, The Beginner’s Guide had the strongest narrative out of any game I have ever played, even more so than NieR Automata. What really impresses me about The Beginner’s Guide is just how much of an impact it left on me despite the fact that it is beaten in little over an hour. Even games like To the Moon have had trouble really sticking with me the way The Beginner’s Guide has, and I grew to believe that being shorter just meant it wouldn’t be as impactful for me. Read more

Steam Greenlight Landfill: Depths of Fear: Knossos

This is a review that was very long overdue. I should note that this was technically the first game I ever received a review code for back in 2014 while I was with Oprainfall. At the time my computer was a piece of shit and was unable to run the game so someone else needed to review it there instead. Given that my computer is now not a piece of shit, I decided I should play the game for myself and review it given that I got it for that purpose. So if the developers of Depths of Fear are reading this, sorry for the wait. Also sorry that I’m about to trash it in this review because I didn’t really like it.

Knossos has a fairly solid premise that could have worked if done more competently. The game is heavily based around Greek mythology and has you tasked with navigating a labyrinth and slaying a Minotaur. The only problem is that you need a special sword to do that and you need to collect 8 macguffins to do get this, each of which is guarded by another creature from Greek mythology. In addition to the Minotaur, you will also need to slay a Satyr, a Centaur, a Hydra, Medusa, a Griffin, a Manticore, and Cerberus. Read more

Anime Review: Mahou Shoujo Site

Mahou Shoujo Site | Aya with Gun

TW: Violence, abuse, suicide, self harm, transphobia, rape.

It just recently occurred to me that I have not done that much content on anime despite my weeb tendencies. Thus far the only anime content created specifically for this blog has been my review of Shoujo Tsubaki so I should probably fix that.

Anyway this is Mahou Shoujo Site, an dark magical girl series in the same vein as Madoka Magica, the series from the fucked up mind that brought us Say no Uta and that forever ensured all future magical girl anime had to be twisted and edgy. Thankfully I like dark and edgy almost as much as I like cute and endearing so this doesn’t effect me. The short version is that I enjoyed Mahou Shoujo Site and find that a lot of the criticism towards it is flat out moronic. Yes I know, how unexpected of me.

Our story stars Aya Asagiri, a girl whose life is complete and utter shit. She is often violently beaten and assaulted by the other girls at her school and her narcissistic older brother uses her as his punching bag to cope with the stress that come from their parents neglect and overly high expectations of him. The first episode opens with Aya contemplating whether or not to jump in front of a train on the way to school so unlike Madoka Magica, there’s no pretense about being kid friendly. Read more