Deadlight (PC/360/XONE/PS4): Dead on Arrival (Detailed Review)

Deadlight is fucking terrible. I am making sure I emphasize this right away so that no one makes the mistake of assuming this wretched pile of filth has any merits. Deadlight is so bad, that I’m writing this review immediately after playing it, just to make sure that I remember every maddening detail of it. …

SpongeBob SquarePants: The Cosmic Shake (PC/PS4/PS5/Switch/XONE/XSX): Battle for Bikini Bargain Bin (Detailed Review)

If I had a nickel for every retro throwback 3D platformer that was based around time travel, that made my most anticipated games of 2023 list, and ended up mediocre and disappointing, I’d have two nickels. I don’t know why someone would give me two nickles for two games existing though, it’s not like I …

Omori (PC/PS4/Switch/XONE/XSX): Absolute Emotional Horror (Detailed Review)

Currently, I have sixteen games that I plan to write reviews for. Generally, I review games in the order that I play them, because specific memories start to fade over time, which makes it harder to provide a through critique. Omori is number 11 on this list, but I’m choosing to write this review before …

NieR Replicant ver.1.2247448713… (PS4/XONE/PC): Absolutely Breathtaking (Detailed Review)

So, it’s been almost six years since I wrote my review of the original English release of NieR Gestalt, released as just NieR on the PS3 and XBox 360 in 2010. Given the lavish praise I heaped upon the original game’s story and upon Automata as a whole, the only question is why I didn’t …

Amazing VGM: Crystal Sewers (Penny Arcade Adventures: Episode Three)

Despite the fact that I don’t have many strong feelings one way or the other about Penny Arcade Adventures: Episode Three, this specific track sticks out. It seems like Zeboyd’s soundtracks often tend to strike that nostalgic note that will always stick with you, in spite of the fact that their games aren’t the most …

Standard Review: Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode 1 (PS3/360/Wii/PC/Ios/Android/OUYA)

I have always had a history with the Sonic the Hedgehog series. I grew up with both of the Sonic Adventure titles and I formed a connection with both of them early on. I also was nostalgic for the Genesis games seeing as how I played them through Sonic Mega Collection. I did enjoy games …

Top 5 Games Reviewed On Guardian Acorn in its Fourth Year

Well shit, Guardian Acorn’s 4th birthday just passed! I’m still quite in awe that this experiment of mine has lasted this long, and I’m hoping that it continues to last. And now comes the tradition where I take one last chance to talk about the best and the worst games I reviewed this year. Okay …

Steam Greenlight Landfill: Tokyo Hosto (PC/360/Ouya)

Tokyo Hosto flat out baffles me with its level of badness. As I am reviewing this, I am currently struggling to put into words how insulting it is that this game exists. It is insulting in the sense that it expects any gamer to enjoy this, in the fact that it expects people to pay …

Standard Review: SpongeBob SquarePants: Battle for Bikini Bottom – Rehydrated (PS4/XONE/Switch/PC)

SpongeBob SquarePants: Battle for Bikini Bottom was a 3D collectathon platformer for consoles in 2003. I played it back then because I was too young to know that licensed games usually suck. Battle for Bikini Bottom was pretty damn good though, and it holds up surprisingly well. Battle for Bikini Bottom – Rehydrated is a …