Deadlight (PC/360/XONE/PS4): Dead on Arrival (Detailed Review)

Deadlight is fucking terrible. I am making sure I emphasize this right away so that no one makes the mistake of assuming this wretched pile of filth has any merits. Deadlight is so bad, that I’m writing this review immediately after playing it, just to make sure that I remember every maddening detail of it. …

SpongeBob SquarePants: The Cosmic Shake (PC/PS4/PS5/Switch/XONE/XSX): Battle for Bikini Bargain Bin (Detailed Review)

If I had a nickel for every retro throwback 3D platformer that was based around time travel, that made my most anticipated games of 2023 list, and ended up mediocre and disappointing, I’d have two nickels. I don’t know why someone would give me two nickles for two games existing though, it’s not like I …

Omori (PC/PS4/Switch/XONE/XSX): Absolute Emotional Horror (Detailed Review)

Currently, I have sixteen games that I plan to write reviews for. Generally, I review games in the order that I play them, because specific memories start to fade over time, which makes it harder to provide a through critique. Omori is number 11 on this list, but I’m choosing to write this review before …

NieR Replicant ver.1.2247448713… (PS4/XONE/PC): Absolutely Breathtaking (Detailed Review)

So, it’s been almost six years since I wrote my review of the original English release of NieR Gestalt, released as just NieR on the PS3 and XBox 360 in 2010. Given the lavish praise I heaped upon the original game’s story and upon Automata as a whole, the only question is why I didn’t …

Top 5 Games Reviewed On Guardian Acorn in its Fourth Year

Well shit, Guardian Acorn’s 4th birthday just passed! I’m still quite in awe that this experiment of mine has lasted this long, and I’m hoping that it continues to last. And now comes the tradition where I take one last chance to talk about the best and the worst games I reviewed this year. Okay …

Standard Review: SpongeBob SquarePants: Battle for Bikini Bottom – Rehydrated (PS4/XONE/Switch/PC)

SpongeBob SquarePants: Battle for Bikini Bottom was a 3D collectathon platformer for consoles in 2003. I played it back then because I was too young to know that licensed games usually suck. Battle for Bikini Bottom was pretty damn good though, and it holds up surprisingly well. Battle for Bikini Bottom – Rehydrated is a …

Celeste (PC/PS4/XONE/Switch/Stadia): A Steep, Treacherous, and Beautiful Climb (Detailed Review)

And here we have yet another overdue review that I have been planning to get for quite some time. Specifically, this review was requested by former patron Winter. While they have since canceled their pledge due to financial difficulties, they were the first patron of mine to meet the current requirements for a review request, …

Crash Bandicoot N. Sane Trilogy (PS4/XONE/Switch/PC): A Highly N. Tertaining Trilogy (Detailed Review)

Update: Despite the fact that I enjoyed this game, the news that publisher Activision has shielded sexual abusers and have subjected their employees to sexual abuse has ensured that I can no longer recommend this game in good conscience. If one is to play this game, then at the very least, one should obtain it …

Bayonetta (PS3/PS4/360/XONE/WiiU/Switch/PC): One of a Kind (Detailed Review)

I’d imagine that given my propensity towards fanservicey anime-esque games with sexy women involved, that it comes as a surprise that I haven’t played Bayonetta until recently. The major reason I haven’t played it until recently is because it originally released back in 2010 when I didn’t have a PS3 or 360. I actually acquired …