I need to confess to those who may not have caught on, but the last few months have been a major struggle for me. I have suffered from major burnout after having posted the largest piece of writing I’ve ever written and then dealt with the revelation that a close friend of mine was a manipulative sex pest so things were not going smoothly. It seemed like I was finally started to get back into the swing of things in March as I had a consistent schedule throughout that month until around the 20th where I stopped… almost permanently.
CW: Depression, suicide.
I’ve talked about my depression and suicidal ideation and I’ve made it known that they have been quite intense. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I attempted to act on them though. The closest I came was when my ex girlfriend cut off all contact with me and I called 911 to prevent a suicide attempt, and that happened in late April of last year. I was taken to the ER for a few hours then but this time, I was admitted to a psyche ward where I had no access to internet and thus could not talk to most of my friends or work on writing.
So there, it’s not just me being lazy this time. I was legitimately unable to do so. I should probably talk about my experience at this psyche ward but first let’s recap. Read more
Last month I have been trying pretty hard to reach the level of productivity that I’ve previously held on this site. While I definitely got a bit more stuff out than in January, it is also low compared to before that. I will chalk this up to being busier with more stuff and due to getting hit with more than a few hardships during the month of February.
Among these hardships include relapsing into my depression over my ex girlfriend because my current one hasn’t had as much time to see me in person and having my remaining two Twitter accounts suspended and thus cutting me off from a major community I was a part of for five years. I still have a Mastadon account but it’s difficult to get as passionate about that site since I’ve gotten to know many users over the past five years. This basically means I’ve spent most of my time in my Discord server retreated from public view. Read more
I would like to apologize for the lack of activity last month as I have not only been busy with “activist work” (yes I am being intentionally vague about that for a reason) but my depression has been also relapsing throughout last month. I’ve come to realize that I may have put my ambitions too high in regards to activist work. I put together a writing piece longer than some books in regards to the midterms election and maybe I just was expecting a larger view count. Don’t get me wrong, this piece is among my top 10 most viewed articles but I had my hopes up too high that it would go viral.
The issue is that I have a secret project in motion that is likely going to stay secret for a lot of people unless I let them in on it. This has resulted in me putting more time into my secret project than my writing and I have thus fallen behind in article turnout and the daily view count. As such I’m going to make an effort to better balance the two and make sure I still have a fair amount of gaming AND political content for the future. Also I have abandoned the idea of emailing every US congressperson because I already have my hands full as it is. Anyway here is the article recap of last month. Read more
When I started this blog, I intended it as being for little more other than myself. That much has changed as of late given my recent focus on politics. A lot of what I talk about will likely pertain to my 2018 Midterm piece considering just how much of my time spent in the last few weeks was directed towards this piece. It is because of this that the piece you are reading right now did not come out until later; because I needed to take a break.
Admittedly there are a few complications in regards to proceeding with #PinkTsunami. When I finished with that piece I was VERY fired up and ready to take on the world practically. It’s tough to keep channeling pure passion after a rather intense session of burnout but as I’ve said, I do in fact plan to be much more involved in politics. I’m not going to quite writing about games of course but I do plan for there to be a more even split as opposed to one political piece every few months while everything is game reviews.
I should note that I have not started having my midterm piece advertised yet but I likely will soon. Anyway here is last month’s article recap. Read more
So… I was banned from Twitter.
I’m honestly not surprised. I kinda knew this was going to happen considering how prone to abuse Twitter’s report system and how scattershot in its implementation it is. Infamous right wing nutcase Alex Jones was not suspended until he started harassing Jack Dorsey in person despite the fact that Twitter ADMITTED he violated the of service multiple times.
While I kinda saw it coming, I will admit that I am rather frustrated by this. Not frustrated enough to chain myself to Twitter’s front door to block the entrance and call the police mind you, but annoyed nonetheless. Well to be truthful it’s more saddening than anything. Read more
It’s funny how I remember that there was a point in time where these months were just going by so fast yet it now feels like an eternity has passed through each update. I have not been in the best place emotionally as of late. I really don’t want to talk about my failed relationship anymore because it feels wrong to publicize it any further, but I just haven’t been the same since then.
I should be happy right now with so many supportive fans and all the progress I made, but I’m not. Believe it or not, I’ve been trying my hardest to suppress my grief over this failed relationship of mine. It’s always been easier for me to cope with grief when I can just let it out publicly, but I have come to regret making some things regarding her public. I guess that’s just the key difference between us; she never wanted to be brought into this. That’s why I’m not mentioning her by name anymore.
As if that wasn’t enough, being with Twitter for a week made me realize just how dependent on it I truly am. In the period since the breakup, I have since played LISA: The Painful, The Beginner’s Guide, Persona 3, and Saya no Uta. All four of these games have major themes in moving on from past trauma, dependency, and coping with one’s disastrous and alienating fuckups. Due to a conversation I had with some close friends of mine, I have decided to pursue Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It’s quite clear I need some kinda of treatment, and seeing my step brother as concerned about me as he was made me finally understand it for certain that I need this. Besides, I need this in order to stop all this painful depression. Anyway here is the article recap for last month. Read more
Greetings everyone, and welcome to another edition of Site Progress and Personal Update. I am your host AnnieGal and I am here to progress and personal update the fuck out of you all… that sounded just as oddly suggestive as I planned it to.
It feels like it has been so long since I wrote one of these. I have spent many of the previous months in anguish over the failure of my previous relationship, but I seem to have finally moved on. Granted there are still points where I think about Atma in my dreams but when I wake up I feel much more stable. I have a Discord server full of cute and adorable girls who regularly thirst over me, I have a blog that is far more successful than most new blogs are, and I have the potential to reach great heights.
Anyway it is now October. I am likely not going to have as much Halloween themed content this month as I did last year since I bit off way more than I can chew last year and ended up with some stuff I didn’t finish until December. There will be some though. Anyway here is last month’s article recap. Read more
The last month has felt strange to me. I have had a lot of ups and downs and it feels like my mood has been all over the place. The notable change is that I’m trying to ween off every medication of mine except for HRT. I had the realization fairly recently that all these meds may have caused more problems then I solved. I was given medication after medication for my depression since I was in fifth grade when I know for certain that it from latent gender dysphoria. Therefore I can gather that these medications are no longer necessary now that I’ve been on HRT for over a year. Not to mention I’ve looked up the side effects for a lot of these meds and realized that most of them have “depression” and “suicidal thoughts” listed, so I think I may have found a leading culprit.
Unfortunately three of these meds will have nasty withdrawal side effects if I quite them so I need to slowly ween off them. Simply decreasing my Propranolol dosage by 10 milligrams every 10 days has made me feel a lot better, and I will soon be off it completely. I then need to wait a month to check in with my psychiatrist before I quite Cymbalta and Trazodone, so it may take some time. However it does seem like things are going smoothly enough thus far. (Update: It didn’t go smoothly) Anyway here is last month’s article recap. Read more
Some things never cease to surprise me. Perhaps the most prevalent of which is the progress that I have made with both this blog and my personal life. Granted my depression is still pretty damn persistent so rest assured that it will somehow still find a way to rear its head even once I become rich, famous, and delicious… okay maybe I already am that last one 😉
The view count has skyrocketed ever since I started pimping out my shit on Reddit and I only got two comments calling me a feminazi cunt! Thus far my stuff has been fairly well received which was something I was certainly nervous about because of course I am. I now am frequently averaging over 100 views a day and about half of those days have been over 200.
So yeah, things have been going quite smoothly on that front. Anyway here’s last month’s post recap. Read more
It feels genuinely surprising that I made it through the past few months. I was literally in the ER back on May 22nd yet now I feel stronger than I have ever been. It is not because my troubles have just disappeared all of a sudden, but for once in my life I know that I can overcome them. I have become far more confident in myself than I used to be and know that I can accomplish some great things, and I’m not going to let any transphobes or dumb assess drag me down.
The fact that my breakup did not kill me has proven that NOTHING will. I am emotionally indestructible and have returned from the brink of absolute emotional despair. Additionally, I know that I have talents and abilities that others cannot hope to match, and I know I am destined for greatness. Over the past couple of years it has set in slowly that I can make all my dreams come true if I just keep pushing further and further, and it’s now more plainly obvious than Trump’s idiocy.
I certainly regret how I ended my last relationship, but I refuse to let guilt weigh me down and prevent me from growing as a person. I’ve already accomplished a lot, more than most people ever will in fact. My blog has been up for only a year and it has been growing at quite a rapid rate and I’ve gotten almost nothing but positive feedback. That’s not to say there is no negative feedback and I am certainly going to make a point to respond better to any of it, but I think I know well enough that all I need is to expose my content to more people then this blog is gonna be yuuuuugee! Read more