Well, a lot happened last year, a lot of harrowing events that have left deep emotional scars, and it’s taken a while to really get back on my feet so to speak. Back in July, I posted a piece tiled “Regarding ZeebDemon, Cassandra Mel, and My Discord Server,” which was meant to illustrate what I’ve been dealing with, and what lead to the immense backlash I’ve dealt with. Well, that piece did not describe the half of it. A lot of other shit has happened since then, and there’s other things that I have not mentioned, stuff I left out because this ordeal has made it much harder for me to be vulnerable and to open up about some of the things I’ve been struggling with. Well, I’m going to do that now, I think you all should know the full story.

CW: In depth discussion of child sexual abuse, incest, gaslighting, grooming, emotional abuse, manipulation, blackmail, doxxing, and the trauma I’ve dealt with. This piece will deal with some very heavy subject matter.

I’ve talked about having been a survivor of childhood abuse in the past, and I’ve also talked about possibly being a survivor of CSA. The truth is I don’t know for sure that my mom molested me, as it’s nothing more than a feeling. Given my recurring, incredibly vivid nightmares, the frequent emotional abuse and neglect I’ve dealt with because of her, and her lack of respect for personal boundaries, there’s at the very least, reasonable suspicion. Having talked to my therapist, I’ve been told that it’s entirely possible that even if she never molested me, the sheer act of me having perceived this as happening could effectively result in all of the same trauma as actually being sexually assaulted.

So, that’s a wonderful mind fuck in all this. The idea that it’s possible that I am not a CSA survivor, yet basically have the same trauma as one, and there’s no way to know unless a memory surfaces. I’ve had dealt with people who have deliberately invoked this to say that I smeared my own mother as a rapist for internet points, and have even had one person deliberately describe the aforementioned nightmares about my mother as “sexual dreams,” in an attempt to paint me as if I’m sexually attracted to my own mother, who is also most likely my rapist.

This was not a one off troll either. This person was part of a recurring group of stalkers, who would simultaneously take advantage of my trauma surrounding CSA and abuse, while also claiming I’m a sexual predator who abuses kids. You think you’ve seen people who have crossed every possible line, but there are those who exist simply to play upon your worst fears. There’s something especially fucked up about being painted as a sexual predator by people who use CSA trauma specifically to hurt you. It’s even more fucked up for people to believe them. Now imagine having some of these people effect you so much, that you start to believe them?

That happened to me earlier this year. 2023 was just the perfect storm of fucked up shit I had to experience. There’s really not much I can say other than “for most of last year, I honest to God thought I was a pedophile.” So yeah, that’s why I suddenly started talking about MAP shit a lot more. And to be honest, my views have not changed. If anything, this makes me more compassionate to those that actually are MAPs (NON OFFENDING), and I don’t want to throw my friends under the bus because some people do not understand the concept of attraction not being the same as action, or the importance of harm prevention over inane moral panic.

It’s like, imagine if in some backwards country where being openly gay would put you in danger, you were an outspoken gay ally. IE, you say what you believe in, and you get a lot of shit, but not as much as if you actually were. You’d simultaneously have to avoid incriminating yourself, while also making sure to not go too far in the other direction and attack your allies to save your own skin. This is the situation I feel like I’m in. Keep in mind, I’ve been doxxed over this, and the same has happened to people simply for associating with me. I’ve had people contact my older sister, who has a daughter that is less than two years old by the way, to tell her that I’m a pedophile.

My sister didn’t believe them, but that wasn’t the intention. Contacting relatives with shit like that only has ill effects if they’re already estranged. Instead, it’s made to deliberately cause stress to her and to worry her. The cruelty is the entire point. Everything done by these people is meant to cause as much pain and torment as possible, including their alibi.

So, the question is, how do you fight people like this? It’s simple, you starve them of their precious reactions, and they eventually move on. The key problem with communities formed around hate is that they need to be united via a central figure they all want to take down. Once you starve them of their precious content, that leaves them with each other. Letting them destroy themselves was perhaps the most effective strategy I could have engaged in. Although mass reporting their accounts and disrupting their reach also helped.

And honestly, that would be enough in and of itself, but then there’s Cassandra Mel. You may remember that I mentioned in my last update piece that I tried to befriend this person in an attempt to deradicalize him, and to get him the help he needs. This prompted a ton of backlash because I said that maybe it’s wrong to celebrate the suicide attempt of a 19 year old just cause he said a bunch of fucked up shit on Twitter. Well, he’s done a lot more than just that now, so you win. Celebrate his suicide attempt as much as you want. Also if you’re wondering why I’m gendering him as male, it’s because he’s been detransitioning, and I consider it important to respect decisions like this even for morally detestable people.

If you think I’m too harsh on him, well, you won’t think that once you’ve figured out what he has done. One of the key reasons I stuck with Cass as long as I did was fear of what isolation would do to him. During the time I was friends with him, he said and believed a lot of deranged shit, but it came across as if he at least believed in something. That as warped as his views were, he at least felt like they would make the world a better place, and like he wanted to help people. And I could tell that this was the case, because Cass was always honest to a fault, so much that it brought out the worst in people. It was… childlike, and there was a sense of innocence to it. This is not to defend some of the abusive actions he took then, but it felt like there was something to appeal to.

That changed after I stopped being friends with him. After I separated from him for about a month, he went ahead and leaked DMs that I shared with him. Remember earlier where I said there was a period where I believed I was a MAP? Yeah, I made the mistake of trusting Cass with that info, and he went ahead leaked it to CEO of Fate, the person leading the aforementioned stalkers, in retaliation for ending my friendship with him. This, in turn, lead to what was described above.

Following this incident, it sounded like there was genuine remorse on Cass’s part for what he did to me. This happened around when Cass got reported to CPS, and was in fear of his safety. The incident initially seemed to have made him reassess his priorities, and compelled him to try and change. He apologized to people he attacked before and renounced fascism, and also created a different account after having spent several months on private. It genuinely felt like there was improvement, and that he was getting his life together. This lasted for about two weeks.

What ended this brief period of relief was me returning to Twitter, and realizing that no, I’m not a MAP. Cass got very mad about me not being attracted to children, then sent a threatening message telling me he was going to “blow apart my ‘not a MAP’ grift” if I didn’t delete my account. His plan of action was, once again, to go running to a major Twitter account that had a grudge against me. Fate CEO rage quit the internet at that point, so he went to Dreamleaf, someone who had previously accused me of grooming and pedophilia due to me being friends with Cass.

Now you may think “there’s no way Dreamleaf would be stupid enough to befriend Cass because she’s mad at you for being friends with Cass right?” Well, if she wasn’t, then that would make for an oddly specific hypothetical scenario to mention, so of course she did it. What’s even funnier is that Dreamleaf tried to deny that she was friends with Cass, and Cass replied in her comments saying something to the effect of “apparently Annie think you’re literally Hitler.” In actuality, I think Dreamleaf is way too stupid to be Hitler. It’s actually Cass who thought DL was Hitler, he just thought it was a compliment. So, the point is, Dreamleaf was willing to defend and support someone who, at the time, had admitted a desire to rape children as young as three years old, because I once told her she was wrong and that made her mad. Isn’t lefty Twitter a wonderful place?

Unfortunately for Cass, he could not keep up his “I’m not a Nazi” grift and went right back to being a piece of shit, and then everyone started hating him again. Since then, he’s continued to decay in moral character. Any sense of morals he had no longer exist, and he became just another online troll who takes positions based entirely upon how he could most easily hurt whoever he’s pissed at. He then continued to create more Twitter alts where he harassed people he didn’t like, and would continuously create alt accounts to bitch at me in the comment section on this blog.

Things would be pathetic if they ended here, but nope, it got a lot worse. While Cass was friends with me, he choose to remain non-contact and refused to consume CSEM, though he still tried to argue that possession should be legal as long as one isn’t paying the original creators. For all I know, he may still have that stance, but I can say for certain that Cassandra Mel possesses CSEM, and has “joked” about the desire to distribute it.

Before his most recent account was suspended, he made a post expressing the desire to post CSEM on Twitter to “freak out the normies.” Fun fact, you can’t post CSEM without possessing CSEM. This was further proven by the fact that he forgot to delete a thread he posted asking his followers how to access CSEM. Now, I’m aware that Cass tends to run his mouth a lot and say a lot of fucked up shit to piss people off, so maybe this is him trying to get attention. I don’t care, if you’re at the point of threatening to post images of children being raped to own the libs, you’re too far gone. To be quite frank, I regret even trying to help this piece of shit human being.

I regret it not because of principal, or because I don’t think he deserves help, but because he has chosen to make his bullshit my problem for the last half a year, and because people are still bitching about me for associating with him for a brief period. In all honesty, I wouldn’t be talking about him if it wasn’t for this, as I wouldn’t want to give him the attention. I just want to make it clear that if the authorities start knocking on his door, I have nothing to do with this, and hope he gets locked up somewhere far away from where he can hurt anyone.

And no, I don’t care what inane drivel he tries to spread about me in order to drag me down to his level. Better and smarter people than you have tried and failed to ruin my reputation Cass. All you have proven is that anyone who trusts you will get hurt, so I hope you get what you want and no one ever does that again. Following this piece, I will no longer be speaking or engaging with anything regarding Cassandra Mel unless something VERY serious happens.

So, there’s the question of what else happened, or rather, what else should I even mention? I suppose I should elaborate on why I thought I was a MAP, but the problem is, I only ever thought I was one due to malicious actors taking advantage of my insecurity. I’ll just leave it at “look up Pedophilia OCD.” So there will no doubt be people looking to take further advantage of this, but I suppose that’s just being a trans person with a sex drive these days. Honestly, my mistake was trying to engage with these people to begin with. I will not be making this mistake from this point on.

I’ve more or less decided that I’m moving away from social media. I’m done with Twitter, and the moment I start to experience similar shit on Tumblr, I’m deleting my account there as well. If anything, this has all gotten in the way of me creating content, which has always been a much more effective way at building a brand than participating in whatever insufferable social media discourse is occurring at any point in time. One of my biggest mistakes was assuming that it’s possible to hold abusers accountable on Twitter, when Twitter is quite literally an ocean of abusers.

It’s quite funny to see that everyone on all sides of the political spectrum agrees that Twitter is horrible, yet no one realizes that its horrible because they are the ones who choose to participate in the exact bullshit that makes the community the way it is. You know that meme about people who hate Subway forgetting that they were the ones who made the sandwich? That meme applies SO MUCH to people who bitch about how toxic Twitter is while still being on Twitter. You all love to point fingers and blame everyone but yourself for the toxic shithole your community is.

At a certain point, one needs to realize that the desire to be a part of a community full of abusers and clout seeking narcissists may say something about themselves. I guarantee you, there’s so much better people and places out there. Follower counts and ratios mean nothing in real life. I know it sounds like I’m going full boomer here, but there are people who genuinely need to hear this. For fucks sake, I was one of them just half a year ago.

You all remember the Twilight Zone episode with the girl trying to get an operation to become less ugly so she isn’t outcasted from her community, and after the operation fails, you see that the woman looks fine and it’s everyone else that looks like horrible, grotesque, orc creature? That’s what trying to be accepted by lefty Twitter is like. People with 20K followers can pal around with Cassandra “I’m going to post Kiddy porn to own the libs” Mel because they both have a mutual dislike of me, and then the rest of that community will whine that I said you shouldn’t celebrate her suicide attempt several months ago, and call for me to be investigated by the feds because of it.

The closest thing to me being wrong in all of this was that Cassandra proceeded to get even worse, and even then, that’s his own fault. I still rightfully recognized that the left basically wanted to turn him into the next Chris Chan. Hell part of me wonders if the people who doxxed Cass, shared edited screenshots to paint him as a rapist, and leaked pre-transition photos had an effect on him losing his shit even more? The left collectively agrees to condemn a certain doxxing site and the role they played in tormenting Chris Chan until she lost her mind enough to rape her own mother, but I have a feeling that if you suggest they did the same to Cassandra, then they will lose their shit.

I can already see two months into the future where Cassandra gets arrested for molesting his sister as a result of some impulsive fit of madness, and all the people who pushed him to this will act as though they are heroes, and claim that I need to be investigated next, despite the fact that I was trying to prevent this shit! Believe me, it’s going to happen exactly how I described it. It happens every fucking time.

Actually, now that I think about it, I’ve just come to a horrible realization about Cass. For several months, I was privately identifying as a pedophile, and most of my friends, they didn’t buy it. Hell even Zeeb, the ACTUAL pedophile (NON OFFENDING), didn’t seem convinced I was one, and I ignored it because I was so certain. You want to know how convinced I was? I was so convinced, that I only just now realized that I wasn’t. This piece started as an attempt at a cover story. Everything written before this paragraph was written while I was still under the belief that I’m a MAP.

So, know how I said that Cass’s views change depending on how they can be used to cause others pain? One of those positions was her views on ephebophillia. In private conversations, Cass would state that he believed ephebophillia was not real, and that it’s simply called “having a normal adult sexuality,” but then proceeded to leak my DMs to another fascist pedophile who ALSO thought ephebophillia was normal (unless the adult is trans of course). And then lefty Twitter decided to take the sides of two different Nazi pedophiles against a trans CSA survivor.

The people who predicted that Cass was trying to indoctrinate me, credit where it was due, you all were right. Cass was trying to use my desire to help him as a means of corrupting me, and making me more like himself. He wanted me to fall down a rabbit hole of depravity and criminality, so that he could use it to control me. He wanted something that he could blackmail me with, so as to isolate me from anyone else, and to be dependent on him. There was literally a point where he refused to talk to me unless I told another friend of mine to kill themself.

I also want to point out that he constantly expressed resentment towards me for feeling dependent on me, which is quite ironic given his means of controlling others. This can be interpreted as textbook DARVO, but I think it says something else about his character. It’s only inevitable that someone who thinks of relationships as a means of controlling and manipulating others would consider attachment to be a liability. That being said, he DID say in DMs that he desired for me to “make him my fucking bitch” and that abuse was the only love he knew. In other words, he wanted me to groom him.

I recall talking with a former mutual of mine on Twitter, and she saw the full DMs shown above. She was horrified at how dangerous of a relationship dynamic this is, and told me how this is horribly inappropriate even with a trained mental health professional. She told me how dangerous Cass was, and God I wish I fucking listened to her. At the time, I thought that Cass revealing such a dark desire of his was a sign of genuine connection and progress. In actuality, it was a means to coerce me into abusive behavior, so he could use it as leverage.

I couldn’t bring myself to go through with what he requested, and so we eventually had a falling out. Fast forward to his “I’m totally not a fascist” arc, where any illusion of betterment vanished the moment I said I wasn’t a MAP. His mask came off because he realized that if I didn’t believe I was a MAP, then he couldn’t control me. He then proceeded to refer to me as his “abusive ex,” in spite of the fact that there was never any agreement that we were dating. He also claimed that I masturbate to pictures of dead children. This claim was based on me being into loli and guro. They were drawings, but he deliberately choose his wording to suggest that they were images of real children.

Cass used this as a means of justifying the fact that he DMed pictures of himself slicing his wrists open when he attempted suicide. I have the pics to prove that he did (WARNING: NSFL). He also claimed that he attempted suicide after he leaked our DMs to Fate CEO, and I retaliated by leaking a post saying he wants to rape 3 year olds, which I obtained from an ex of his. This fucker got me doxxed and put me and my family in danger, and then proceeded to claim that HE was the victim in all of this.

One other element of all this that needs to be understood is that the “evidence” that I was a MAP was me saying that Cass was within my range of ephebophilic attraction. Cass was 20 when I said that, and I said that specifically as a means of trying to help him cope with severe age dysphoria. Cass quite literally replied to that comment by saying “ephebophillia isn’t real,” yet he decided that 20 year olds can’t consent when he needed dirt on me. Ultimately, he couldn’t do much because he doesn’t have any evidence of me doing anything immoral, and because I built up enough good will from the community that there were people willing to support me even while under the belief I was a MAP. Not all of Cass’s victims are that lucky.

I can’t help but wonder though, how many people did he did this to? I know fully well that Cass has a number of pedo friends, and that he likes to leak their DMs when they inevitably fall out. There have been a number of posts of his where he leaked friends of his who have admitted to consuming CSEM, and one ex of his was even into hurtcore (that refers to CSEM based around causing physical and emotional pain to children). I did not think to take screenshots of these posts before his most recent account was suspended, so this is harder to verify, but everything we know about him demonstrates that he has nothing against this criminal behavior. We also know that he likes to coerce others into abusive behavior. It makes one think, how long has he been doing this?

I said at the start of this piece that there was a point in my relationship with him where it felt like he was genuine and caring. That bit earlier where I talked about lefty Twitter possibly being responsible for him becoming a more dishonest, manipulative, and predatory individual, I’m starting to question it. I can’t say for certain whether or not that was just a mask, or if there is a side of him that wants to get better. The thing they don’t tell you about abusers is that they have ways of making you question yourself and your own sanity. I keep wondering whether I could have helped him had I done something differently.

But at the same time, he could have been doing this for much longer. Cass seemed quite willing to weaponize his youth as a means of abusing others. He was willing to say that I’m a MAP because I said I was attracted to him when he was 20, and every time he did something abusive or horrible, he’d say “I’m just an emotional teenager, why are you blaming me?”

Teenagers online have learned that they can take advantage of their perceived innocence as a means abusing others. This is quite literally where the “I’m neurodivergent and a minor” meme comes from. They know that onlookers often don’t look at the full context. This is similar to how you can often find abusive women who take advantage of their perceived vulnerability to make false accusations against their victims. Both are examples of someone knowing how to weaponize their own perceived lack of agency and status as a societal prop in order to harm others by playing into their assigned role. And in both cases, the targets are often stigmatized minorities.

The reason I mention this is that I’ve had to consider the possibility that Cass could have been doing this shit while he was still a minor. Knowing the frightening levels of manipulation he has engaged in, it’s a serious possibility. Yes, I know, this sounds certifiably insane because people are predisposed to want to protect children. Believe me, I understand, I’m a victim of CSA myself, I get wanting to prevent people from experiencing what I had to. But we can’t coddle teens who choose to engage in this behavior. I’m not saying we should cancel them or abuse them, but we can’t enable this behavior either. Abusive children grow up to become abusive adults, and we can’t let that happen.

I need to emphasize that I don’t say this as retribution for the fact that Cass took advantage of my POCD to control me, but because he’s probably done similar shit to actual pedophiles. It may even be possible that he pushed some of them into criminal behavior, all for the purpose of maintaining control of them. After all, once you fall too far, there’s no getting back up. And this is all while knowing that he engages in this criminal behavior himself.

On the other side of the coin, Cass currently lives with his family, which includes at least two siblings. Both of them are children. He also desires to become a primary school teacher. Keep in mind, he has already stated that he will take advantage of children as young as three if he has the opportunity. This man is dangerous, and my only recommendation is that you do not associate with him in any capacity.

The best possible outcome for Cass at this point is for him to be committed. This is not hyperbole. Cass has demonstrated a complete lack of impulse control, and he is a constant danger to himself and others. Many people first found out about his friendship with me following a suicide attempt earlier this year. What they don’t know is that he has attempted twice more since then, and has engaged in frequent self harm that has resulted in multiple hospitalizations. Him succeeding in a future suicide attempt is the most likely occurrence.

The worst possible outcome, however, is if he gets busted for CSEM possession, or for child sexual abuse. I’m sure I don’t need to remind people what happens to pedophiles in prison. At that point, Cass will WISH that he experiences the sexual abuse that trans women experience in men’s prisons (which is where Cass will likely head to as a detransitioner), precisely because prisoners are often so disgusted by pedophiles that they’re more likely to outright kill them. And that’s not even taking into account the amount of indigenous people in Australia’s prisons, who I’m sure will have no issues with Cass’s Nazi beliefs. Even I would not wish this fate upon Cass (unless it’s revealed that he raped a child, in which case I no longer feel any sympathy), but it’s very much a possibility if he keeps going the way he is.

I know fully well that Cass is reading this, and I know that he’s going to completely freak the fuck out about how cruel and abusive I am, but this is the shit I was trying to prevent. Cass, this shit is why I put my reputation on the line to try and help you. And how did you repay me for that? What happens to everyone who gets close to you, and who puts their trust in you? I want to believe that the kind and gentle person that I befriended is in there somewhere, but to quote Bojack Horseman, “when you look at someone with rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.”

Now it’s time for the hard part, the part where I admit I fucked up. Throughout most of this ordeal, I thought there was little risk in publicly defending Cass because his batshit political views are unlikely to win over anyone who wasn’t already TFG. What I didn’t anticipate is that the people who he hurts the most, are those who want to help him. And there were plenty of leftists who also wanted to help. There may have been a few MAPs who found him because of me, and I can’t imagine any scenario where that goes right. If they are non-contact and befriend him, he has blackmail fodder. If they are abusers and they befriend him, then they work together to make the lives of everyone around them miserable, and probably trade CSEM as well.

As much as I hate to admit it, I played a role in all this, and it was all because I vastly overestimated my own abilities, and underestimated Cass’s capacity for harm. But so did everyone else. You all treated him as a joke. Even now, there are people linking his quirky shitposts about wanting Vaush to fuck him in r/okbuddyvowsh. And in the case of Dreamleaf, you took his side as soon as he tried to blackmail me, because you decided that aiding a sexual predator who, at that point, was known to have intentions to rape three year olds, was justified because you were mad about a few cringey loli memes. And this was after you used CEO of Fate’s screencaps against me, and cited FUCKING Zrcalo in order to attack Zeebdemon.

Dreamleaf, you are all the worst parts of lefty Twitter wrapped up into one garbage pile of a human being. Everything is a game to you, you are incapable of thinking through any position you have, or taking any action that isn’t motivated by clout points or petty spite. It’s no wonder you get along so well with Shoe0nhead. I’ve been quite tempted to turn this piece into a manifesto about all the shitty people who choose to attack me over what fictional porn I use to cope with CSA trauma, and it’s still pretty tempting to do so. But I better stick with the abusive fuck who had people spy on my main account when it was on private so she could find shit to get offended over.

You celebrated my account getting mass reported by the same loli-fascists I exposed. For someone who gets so pissed about loli-shit, you seem to spend a lot of your time assisting Fate CEO. Maybe that’s why you had nothing to say about Shoe being mutuals with him? Oh wait guys, I figured it out, Dreamleaf doesn’t hate lolicons, she just hates trans lolicons! That’s why she’s willing to immediately start attacking me after I got doxxed because of Nazi pedophiles!

And you know what Dreamleaf, I don’t believe it was intentional on your part. I fully believe that you are so petty and shortsighted that you’re willing to work with three different sexual predators because getting your shots at me is is so much more important. The shit that Cassandra did to me would not have been possible without you Dreamleaf, and it wouldn’t have been possible without anyone else who thoughtlessly hopped on this bandwagon. Excellent job!

And what was it that prompted all of this? What was it that I did to deserve getting doxxed and having my family threatened? Just icky drawings and being a victim of gaslighting and psychological abuse? The worst I did was that I let some questionable people take advantage of my generosity. And because lefty Twitter culture is made up of bloodthirsty lunatics looking for a convenient target, you played right into Cass’s hands.

And the worst part of ALL of this; this is going to happen again. It’s going to happen repeatedly, because people like this never learn their lesson. And everyone I mentioned is going to double down on everything, they will spin this as me trying to manipulate my way back into relevancy. They’ll say that “there’s no way that someone could be tricked into being a pedophile” because everyone is an armchair therapist, and everyone decided what their opinion on me was going to be before I said anything.

The response to this piece will be to scan it for individual quotes that they can post out of context, and they will proceed to make funny quips about it, with no remorse for the fact that they got played by a sexual predator. And most of these same people will wonder how so much of the internet can consist of ghoulish assholes who will use Keffal’s rape, swatting, or drug addiction as a prop for political points, or how people can use the murder or suicide of a beloved trans influencer to score points against people they don’t like. They wonder how people can become bitter and hateful enough to use doxxing sites or hate forums, or to advocate for real world harm against someone because they didn’t like a take they had.

That is what Cass didn’t realize. If he was less impulsive, then maybe he could have found away to turn his wanton sadism into a means of attracting a following. After all, all you need to do is pretend to have a meaningful cause and suddenly, any type of abuse is justified. With leftists like these, who needs fascists?

Update: Cass went ahead and confessed that she has been consuming CSEM. I’m genuinely amazed that it’s possible to be this stupid. I’m just going to go ahead and leave this here.

https://archive.is/WSWkg
https://archive.is/S9u9t
https://archive.is/G4LS8
https://archive.is/nHpxW

https://archive.is/PLYrn

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