It feels genuinely surprising that I made it through the past few months. I was literally in the ER back on May 22nd yet now I feel stronger than I have ever been. It is not because my troubles have just disappeared all of a sudden, but for once in my life I know that I can overcome them. I have become far more confident in myself than I used to be and know that I can accomplish some great things, and I’m not going to let any transphobes or dumb assess drag me down.
The fact that my breakup did not kill me has proven that NOTHING will. I am emotionally indestructible and have returned from the brink of absolute emotional despair. Additionally, I know that I have talents and abilities that others cannot hope to match, and I know I am destined for greatness. Over the past couple of years it has set in slowly that I can make all my dreams come true if I just keep pushing further and further, and it’s now more plainly obvious than Trump’s idiocy.
I certainly regret how I ended my last relationship, but I refuse to let guilt weigh me down and prevent me from growing as a person. I’ve already accomplished a lot, more than most people ever will in fact. My blog has been up for only a year and it has been growing at quite a rapid rate and I’ve gotten almost nothing but positive feedback. That’s not to say there is no negative feedback and I am certainly going to make a point to respond better to any of it, but I think I know well enough that all I need is to expose my content to more people then this blog is gonna be yuuuuugee! Read more
It is with great pleasure that I can finally announce that this site’s schedule is now going to be back on a consistent basis. Do to a rather unfortunate break up and about a months worth of wallowing in anguish and guilt, my schedule was a bit off for a while and I am going to take a moment to briefly summarize what happened. My now ex girlfriend Atma Weapon broke up with me and I proceeded to respond in the worst way possible next to lighting her car on fire and posting a negative Senran Kagura review.
Some may have noticed that I have deleted my May 2018 update piece, which I did because I realized it maybe wasn’t the best Idea to publicly post a 5000+ piece about a private relationship when the other person just wants you to leave them the fuck alone. The only way that piece is ever going back up is if the two of us reconcile and she says it’s okay, and that won’t happen for years if at all. I also revised any other pieces that had mentions of her or the drama. At the time I was trying to play it off as taking the high road but I was really just being desperate and pathetic. I want to properly share what I have learned now that I’ve had enough time to locate the problem, but first here is the article recap. Read more
I find myself increasingly curious about where I am heading in the future each time I create one of these monthly update posts. I have had a recurring problem in regards to following through on large ambitions throughout most of my life resulting mostly from my depression and tendency to get easily discouraged or overwhelmed. It is because of this that I feel so elated how far I have come in the last year. I don’t want to completely make HRT out to be some sort of miracle cure and to at least give myself some credit, but there is a reason it’s considered medically necessary. It may take some people an agonizingly long time to get it, but it will be SO worth it. I may still have overwhelming odds against me but I still feel confident in myself that I can overcome them. Anyway here is article recap for March 2018.
Only about two months left until this site hits its 1 year Anniversary. It surprises me that I kept this up, and I can only imagine that it surprised others as well. Then again, I am a reclusive writer who spends all her time inside and thus has the time to waste on providing a frequent supply of content. My average in views has quadrupled since I start back in May of last year and I’ve posted over 100 articles to this site. It makes me happy to see how well this is proceeding since I am well aware that getting the first few are always the hardest and that as your views increase, the rate at which one accumulates views often increases as well. That’s assuming I continue to create content that draws people here.
Of note is that I still would like to bring some other people on to this site so if anyone wants to write something for here they may do so. Additionally, if anyone is interested in doing a collaborative piece then I wouldn’t mind doing so. Of course it would depend on the subject in question but nonetheless I’d be interested. Anyway, here is last month’s article recap.
So, this is apparently a thing among some of the community bloggers lately.
I think it goes saying that I support this. I not only support this, but I am pretty much dedicated it, and I have now changed this site’s logo to include the aforementioned symbol… and just added some extra colors cause that’s just me.
To make things clear, this applies to literally anyone, and I mean ANYONE! I have a history of talking people out of suicide and providing a listening ear and a shoulder to lie on. I don’t discriminate. I don’t care what your political beliefs are or what you have said or have done in the past. The only limitation I have is if doing so puts myself and others in direct danger, and even under the former I’d still consider it. Read more
As I write this, my 23rd birthday has just passed a few days ago. Right now I feel… strange. I would not say that I’m depressed but I am not necessarily stimulated either. I wouldn’t say that I feel bad but it does seem like there is something missing; something I should be doing or have done already. It almost seems difficult to process everything. I look back on my life and see how much has changed and also how much has stayed the same. There once was a period where I held no desire to go on living and simply wished for whatever entity or god that exists to strike me down. That is no longer the case for me. Now, I wish to see just how far I can go in life.
And I wrote that paragraph last night and this one is being written the next morning where my eyes are itching like nuts and I feel physically uncomfortable. What I said in that last paragraph is still true but I don’t feel like faking enthusiasm just so I can keep up with the same tone. I feel confused. Like I just tend to be in certain moods for no reason and FUCK MY EYES ITCH LIKE NUTS!!!!
For those of you that have followed my political writings, you are likely familiar with Zinnia Jones, as I have previously written an entire article in defense of a few controversial tweets of her’s, and I have mentioned her in an article made in response to her arch nemesis, Blaire White. I have mentioned her in part of my own personal grievances with Blaire, but if one paid attention, I also foreshadowed this article back there as well.
…it feels like I’m the only one who just doesn’t expect everyone to be perfect. I’m not even referring to just Blaire here, but I am also speaking with Zinnia in mind with whom my feelings are similar but for different reasons. I have thought of making a similar piece about her, but I’m unsure how to approach it.
Well, I have figured that out now. If one could not have guessed, my article about Blaire was not just a rebuttal, it was Read more
Well, we made it folks. 2018 has arrived and we are all still here… barely. Granted, the fact that I am currently sick as I am writing this probably helps me relate to that feeling. I don’t know what it is that gets me so melodramatic. Every time I get remotely sick or unwell, I start thinking I’m going to die. Then again, I’m an overthinker in general.
It becomes nerve wracking to think that any day could be your last, and that you never know when your life will be cut short. As such, I will right this piece with the possibility that I could die either tomorrow or even mid typing. If one has seen my Amazing VGM on “The Weight of the World” or has paid attention to other shit I said, they may have notice that I have high aspirations.
However, if I were to die right now, I would have been fully satisfied with how it ended. I may only be 22, 23 in a month, but up until the last few months, it felt more like I was 80. i don’t know if I have any right to say that considering those whom have experienced far greater hardships than I have, but nonetheless, taking HRT has freed my mind in unbelievable ways. Read more
TW: Depression, confinement, suicide, harassment, stalking, transphobia.
I’ve made it clear from this site’s foundation that my end goal is to make this site profitable, and that I have hoped for my writing to connect with some people enough for them to want to support me financially. I ask for financial support due to the fact that I suffer from crippling agoraphobia, which manifests as a fear of the outside world. I find this fear too overwhelming for me to even complete college, let alone get any type of career to support myself. As a result, I am practically locked up in this house Read more
TW: Mentions of misogyny, lesbophobia, biphobia, and transphobia.
I have been meaning to touch upon the subject of objectification for a very long time. I have mentioned it in a lot of my work and I have made it known that it is a very personal subject to me, and it has often served as somewhat of a berserk button of mine. By far the most viewed article of mine was a response to then Destructoid writer Jed Whitaker’s own article about Valkyrie Drive: Bhikkuni, that claimed it was “Dynasty Warriors for pedophiles.” To say that I was not happy with it is like saying that the Holocaust was a bit of a bummer. That article of mine is perhaps the angriest piece I have ever written (and that I ever will).
What particularly enraged me was how patronizing and condescending that Jed was to his own target audience and how little respect he had, in addition to hideously homophobic and sexist implications present throughout, despite the fact that he was clearly trying to be a feminist ally. Due to not wanting to be lumped in with the gamer bro AIW crowd, I tried to make my piece sound as feministy as possible and tried to address precisely WHY Jed Whitaker’s views were as harmful as they are. It seemed to have the opposite effect as it actually became very well received among anti-feminist GamerGate supporters, enough so that it was even retweeted by Ian Miles Cheong (which is probably how it got over 1300 total views when most of my pieces don’t even break 100).