The last month has felt strange to me. I have had a lot of ups and downs and it feels like my mood has been all over the place. The notable change is that I’m trying to ween off every medication of mine except for HRT. I had the realization fairly recently that all these meds may have caused more problems then I solved. I was given medication after medication for my depression since I was in fifth grade when I know for certain that it from latent gender dysphoria. Therefore I can gather that these medications are no longer necessary now that I’ve been on HRT for over a year. Not to mention I’ve looked up the side effects for a lot of these meds and realized that most of them have “depression” and “suicidal thoughts” listed, so I think I may have found a leading culprit.
Unfortunately three of these meds will have nasty withdrawal side effects if I quite them so I need to slowly ween off them. Simply decreasing my Propranolol dosage by 10 milligrams every 10 days has made me feel a lot better, and I will soon be off it completely. I then need to wait a month to check in with my psychiatrist before I quite Cymbalta and Trazodone, so it may take some time. However it does seem like things are going smoothly enough thus far. (Update: It didn’t go smoothly) Anyway here is last month’s article recap. Read more
Some things never cease to surprise me. Perhaps the most prevalent of which is the progress that I have made with both this blog and my personal life. Granted my depression is still pretty damn persistent so rest assured that it will somehow still find a way to rear its head even once I become rich, famous, and delicious… okay maybe I already am that last one 😉
The view count has skyrocketed ever since I started pimping out my shit on Reddit and I only got two comments calling me a feminazi cunt! Thus far my stuff has been fairly well received which was something I was certainly nervous about because of course I am. I now am frequently averaging over 100 views a day and about half of those days have been over 200.
So yeah, things have been going quite smoothly on that front. Anyway here’s last month’s post recap. Read more
It feels genuinely surprising that I made it through the past few months. I was literally in the ER back on May 22nd yet now I feel stronger than I have ever been. It is not because my troubles have just disappeared all of a sudden, but for once in my life I know that I can overcome them. I have become far more confident in myself than I used to be and know that I can accomplish some great things, and I’m not going to let any transphobes or dumb assess drag me down.
The fact that my breakup did not kill me has proven that NOTHING will. I am emotionally indestructible and have returned from the brink of absolute emotional despair. Additionally, I know that I have talents and abilities that others cannot hope to match, and I know I am destined for greatness. Over the past couple of years it has set in slowly that I can make all my dreams come true if I just keep pushing further and further, and it’s now more plainly obvious than Trump’s idiocy.
I certainly regret how I ended my last relationship, but I refuse to let guilt weigh me down and prevent me from growing as a person. I’ve already accomplished a lot, more than most people ever will in fact. My blog has been up for only a year and it has been growing at quite a rapid rate and I’ve gotten almost nothing but positive feedback. That’s not to say there is no negative feedback and I am certainly going to make a point to respond better to any of it, but I think I know well enough that all I need is to expose my content to more people then this blog is gonna be yuuuuugee! Read more
It is with great pleasure that I can finally announce that this site’s schedule is now going to be back on a consistent basis. Do to a rather unfortunate break up and about a months worth of wallowing in anguish and guilt, my schedule was a bit off for a while and I am going to take a moment to briefly summarize what happened. My now ex girlfriend Atma Weapon broke up with me and I proceeded to respond in the worst way possible next to lighting her car on fire and posting a negative Senran Kagura review.
Some may have noticed that I have deleted my May 2018 update piece, which I did because I realized it maybe wasn’t the best Idea to publicly post a 5000+ piece about a private relationship when the other person just wants you to leave them the fuck alone. The only way that piece is ever going back up is if the two of us reconcile and she says it’s okay, and that won’t happen for years if at all. I also revised any other pieces that had mentions of her or the drama. At the time I was trying to play it off as taking the high road but I was really just being desperate and pathetic. I want to properly share what I have learned now that I’ve had enough time to locate the problem, but first here is the article recap. Read more
I find myself increasingly curious about where I am heading in the future each time I create one of these monthly update posts. I have had a recurring problem in regards to following through on large ambitions throughout most of my life resulting mostly from my depression and tendency to get easily discouraged or overwhelmed. It is because of this that I feel so elated how far I have come in the last year. I don’t want to completely make HRT out to be some sort of miracle cure and to at least give myself some credit, but there is a reason it’s considered medically necessary. It may take some people an agonizingly long time to get it, but it will be SO worth it. I may still have overwhelming odds against me but I still feel confident in myself that I can overcome them. Anyway here is article recap for March 2018.
Only about two months left until this site hits its 1 year Anniversary. It surprises me that I kept this up, and I can only imagine that it surprised others as well. Then again, I am a reclusive writer who spends all her time inside and thus has the time to waste on providing a frequent supply of content. My average in views has quadrupled since I start back in May of last year and I’ve posted over 100 articles to this site. It makes me happy to see how well this is proceeding since I am well aware that getting the first few are always the hardest and that as your views increase, the rate at which one accumulates views often increases as well. That’s assuming I continue to create content that draws people here.
Of note is that I still would like to bring some other people on to this site so if anyone wants to write something for here they may do so. Additionally, if anyone is interested in doing a collaborative piece then I wouldn’t mind doing so. Of course it would depend on the subject in question but nonetheless I’d be interested. Anyway, here is last month’s article recap.
So, this is apparently a thing among some of the community bloggers lately.
I think it goes saying that I support this. I not only support this, but I am pretty much dedicated it, and I have now changed this site’s logo to include the aforementioned symbol… and just added some extra colors cause that’s just me.
To make things clear, this applies to literally anyone, and I mean ANYONE! I have a history of talking people out of suicide and providing a listening ear and a shoulder to lie on. I don’t discriminate. I don’t care what your political beliefs are or what you have said or have done in the past. The only limitation I have is if doing so puts myself and others in direct danger, and even under the former I’d still consider it. Read more
As I write this, my 23rd birthday has just passed a few days ago. Right now I feel… strange. I would not say that I’m depressed but I am not necessarily stimulated either. I wouldn’t say that I feel bad but it does seem like there is something missing; something I should be doing or have done already. It almost seems difficult to process everything. I look back on my life and see how much has changed and also how much has stayed the same. There once was a period where I held no desire to go on living and simply wished for whatever entity or god that exists to strike me down. That is no longer the case for me. Now, I wish to see just how far I can go in life.
And I wrote that paragraph last night and this one is being written the next morning where my eyes are itching like nuts and I feel physically uncomfortable. What I said in that last paragraph is still true but I don’t feel like faking enthusiasm just so I can keep up with the same tone. I feel confused. Like I just tend to be in certain moods for no reason and FUCK MY EYES ITCH LIKE NUTS!!!!
For those of you that have followed my political writings, you are likely familiar with Zinnia Jones, as I have previously written an entire article in defense of a few controversial tweets of her’s, and I have mentioned her in an article made in response to her arch nemesis, Blaire White. I have mentioned her in part of my own personal grievances with Blaire, but if one paid attention, I also foreshadowed this article back there as well.
…it feels like I’m the only one who just doesn’t expect everyone to be perfect. I’m not even referring to just Blaire here, but I am also speaking with Zinnia in mind with whom my feelings are similar but for different reasons. I have thought of making a similar piece about her, but I’m unsure how to approach it.
Well, I have figured that out now. If one could not have guessed, my article about Blaire was not just a rebuttal, it was Read more
Well, we made it folks. 2018 has arrived and we are all still here… barely. Granted, the fact that I am currently sick as I am writing this probably helps me relate to that feeling. I don’t know what it is that gets me so melodramatic. Every time I get remotely sick or unwell, I start thinking I’m going to die. Then again, I’m an overthinker in general.
It becomes nerve wracking to think that any day could be your last, and that you never know when your life will be cut short. As such, I will right this piece with the possibility that I could die either tomorrow or even mid typing. If one has seen my Amazing VGM on “The Weight of the World” or has paid attention to other shit I said, they may have notice that I have high aspirations.
However, if I were to die right now, I would have been fully satisfied with how it ended. I may only be 22, 23 in a month, but up until the last few months, it felt more like I was 80. i don’t know if I have any right to say that considering those whom have experienced far greater hardships than I have, but nonetheless, taking HRT has freed my mind in unbelievable ways. Read more