Titles like They Breath are the types of games that Steam’s refund system was made for. It is a pointless barely interactive and directionless “experimental” title that’s only claim to decency is to be vaguely artistic in order to impress people who do not even enjoy games in the first place, or at least that’s the only way I can see games like They Breathe existing. Furthermore the game is over in about half an hour so one would be under the 3 hour limit even if they beat it 3 times.
It is not that They Breathe could not have been a good game; it is more so that They Breathe chooses not to be a good game. It does nothing other than build a light bit of suspense up at to what the point of the game could be, only to reveal that there is no point or twist at the end to begin with. That is not even taking into account that the half hour leading up to that has boring and frustrating gameplay as well.
Disorder is a first attempt by the ridiculously named Swagabyte games that sounds interesting on the surface. It is an atmospheric puzzle platformer that uses a similar dual world mechanic as games like The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past and Metroid Prime 2: Echoes. It also has a vague allegorical storyline that is told through text appearing on screen during gameplay. While there are some decent ideas involved, the game unfortunately falls short of an interesting experience and I did not care for it. Read more
Banzai Escape is the first and only title by developer XenoAisam, and it is not hard to see why they haven’t made another one after this. Banzai Escape is of the quality where you can tell that there was genuine effort into making something good, but also can tell that it kinda sucks. I’m usually hesitant to go into full angry reviewer shtick when reviewing small indie games because I know fully well that if I ever start developing games, then my first game is probably going to be shit. This is one of the key reasons why I have been hesitant to become a game dev in the first place.
As a gamer, I WANT for devs to keep making games and to improve upon their old ones. Hurling insults at the developers and making overly long drawn out hypothetical scenarios of things I’d allegedly rather do than play their games is not going to push them to get better. It takes a lot for a game to pass that threshold and piss me off, and that rage is limited for games like Ghostie Quest, Vickinachi, Insincere, Cube Master: Light Adventure, and a dozen other games you’ve never heard of and will forget about after you are done reading this piece. Read more
Normally I try to write reviews in the order I complete these games in, but I’m going to deviate from this schedule to knock this pile of refuse out first. The reason for this is not just because of how terrible Cube Master: Light Adventure is, but also because it is so mindlessly simplistic and brief that I will likely forget everything about it by the time I’d get to this normally. Thankfully reviewing this game won’t even mean much because the game is so bad all I need to do is show you the trailer. Read more
I’d like to start this review off by apologizing to both The Fullbright Company and The Quinnspiracy for my reviews of their games. Gone Home and Depression Quest were the only games I reviewed to score a one out of ten before this one. While I stand by my opinion that both of them are terrible games, I honestly found The Interview so appalling that I do not feel that it deserves the same score as those two games. When I reviewed Gone Home, I made a statement about how there were likely plenty of games that were objectively worse than it despite the scathing nature of the review. I cannot say the same about The Interview. The Interview has got to be among one of the worst games released in this generation, and possibly of all time. The games accomplishes this not only in its lack of quality, but just in its offensiveness and how it represents nearly all of the worst aspects of modern indie gaming and even more.
I am going to start this review out by trying to sum up what few good qualities I can with this game, as tiny and insignificant they may be. To be honest though, the only good thing I can really come up with is that the title theme is pretty nice. Granted it sounds like something that may have been from the public domain, but I’m not going to dwell on that and will take what I can get. The rest of the possible positive aspects are ones that you really need to stretch in order to consider a good quality. You would literally need to MAKE the game entertaining in order to enjoy this. At best, you will end up spending 2 dollars for a twenty minute game with no real gameplay or storyline that just leaves you confused; and that is only if the game successfully tricks you into believing it went over your head. Read more
It really blows my mind that any developer could release a game like The Graveyard and think it is a good idea. I do not even mean that in the sense that it was an incomplete game; I mean that as in this game was dead on arrival (no pun intended). In concept, one can already tell that The Graveyard does not even attempt to be a good game. I will do my best to keep this review from devolving into a rant, but I cannot make any promises.
In The Graveyard, you play as an old woman who is walking slowly to a bench. You then sit down on the bench, wait for five minutes while a very bland and droning song sang in German plays. Afterwards, you get up and walk out of the graveyard; that’s it. One may naively think that I am just being snarky and leaving out exactly how these events occur, but I am not. That is literally all that happens in this game. Read more
I’m not going to waste too much time on this one; Insincere SUCKS!!!
I know that this isn’t the most professional way to start a review but it’s not like anyone actually cares enough about this game to defend it except for maybe its developer… nah they probably don’t either. In all seriousness I know that this can sound cruel to developers who are genuinely invested in their games but just lack the resources or experience to make their games… ya know… good. But on the other hand, this game SUCKS!!! Read more
This is a review that was very long overdue. I should note that this was technically the first game I ever received a review code for back in 2014 while I was with Oprainfall. At the time my computer was a piece of shit and was unable to run the game so someone else needed to review it there instead. Given that my computer is now not a piece of shit, I decided I should play the game for myself and review it given that I got it for that purpose. So if the developers of Depths of Fear are reading this, sorry for the wait. Also sorry that I’m about to trash it in this review because I didn’t really like it.
Knossos has a fairly solid premise that could have worked if done more competently. The game is heavily based around Greek mythology and has you tasked with navigating a labyrinth and slaying a Minotaur. The only problem is that you need a special sword to do that and you need to collect 8 macguffins to do get this, each of which is guarded by another creature from Greek mythology. In addition to the Minotaur, you will also need to slay a Satyr, a Centaur, a Hydra, Medusa, a Griffin, a Manticore, and Cerberus. Read more
The trend of retro styled “throwbacks” on Steam has been well established at this point. Most of these games only ever try to emulate the style of older games without adding much to the table at all. In some cases, you can still wind up with games that are still fun albeit unoriginal. This, however, is not the case with Venusian Vengeance. Instead of being reminiscent of classic NES titles, Venusian Vengeance more so resembles cheap low budget titles that were only played because the box art looked cool. Granted Venusian Vengeance isn’t LJN bad or anything but we really should not be having mediocre licensed NES games in 2015 (or in 2012 when this game was originally released on Desura).
Apparently a lot of women hate the sound of the word “panties.” I cannot say that since being deprived of my femininity for 20 years made me yearn for the type of shit that most women don’t even care for and thus fucked me up for life. I actually quite like panties. They are much cuter than men’s underwear and… nope, can’t do it. I can’t bring myself to make an opening monologue about panties. Even I have standards after all, plus it’s one of those things that I just can’t really explain objectively; no one can.
Panty Party on the other hand, can be explained. I’ve mentioned more than enough that “OMG Japan is so fucked up” reactions any time a weird Japanese game exists is not only getting old but is kind of xenophobic. The US has a lot of weird shit to after all. But something like Panty Party could only come from Japan given that there is a much larger fascination with panties among the opposite sex (of those that usually wear them) over there. Panty Party is pretty much an example of a shitpost in game format. Read more