Well, looks like it’s time to review another no name ecchi visual novel. Much like all the other no name ecchi visual novels I reviewed, Celestial Crossing is bland, uninteresting, and absolutely generic. I am pretty sure I bought this one a few years ago cause it was on sale, and I thought that the art looked decent. And by that, I mean Nerith is pretty hot. I naturally have a thing for aggressive, domineering muscle girls, so I guess I’ll give credit to Touwaku Studio for almost making me go full horny on main before the preview clip cuts off. But otherwise, there really is nothing to this game.

Let me quote its Steam page and see if this sounds familiar.

“In this visual novel you play as Hikaru, a high school student who sleeps all day and plays his favorite game all night.

Though one day trough a series of events he does not yet understand, these two worlds collide and his in-game avatar is now standing in his bedroom. He will now have to learn how to live with Nerith, a barbaric elven warlock who does not understand civilized concepts such as laws, morals, or pants…”

I can’t even muster an audible reaction to this that is anything more than just a long groan. It feels like I’d be extending more emotional energy than is necessary to point out how much of a cliched fanservice plot this is. There is an interesting concept with regards to the idea of whether or not one’s original character would like the person that created them, but the main character isn’t even an author or anything because that would require some originality. The main character Hikaru has no personality other than “dork.”

I’m begging you writers, PLEASE come up with another archetype for your MCs! Having bland dorks as your protagonist instantly makes the game less appealing. Any attempt to be “relatable” this way instantly fails because people in real life don’t actually have zero personality unless they are Democratic Presidential candidates! Actually I take that back, because it would genuinely be more interesting to play as Cory Booker than any of these interchangeable text slots!

Anyway, the basic plot of Celestial Crossing is that Hikaru’s MMO character suddenly appears in his bedroom, and the game is about figuring out how to return her to her world. There are a few different endings, that will effect whether Nerith stays behind, or whether Hikaru decides to confess to the girl he has a crush on. I will give the game credit in that there are a few moments of genuine sincerity in this game. The most interesting this game got was when Nerith was at a con with Hikaru, and proceeds to have an existential crisis over her entire existence being nothing more than a mere game in another world. The clothes and costumes worn by cosplayers all mean something in her world, but in the real world, they are just entertainment. This scene offers a brief glimpse of what could have been compelling if put in the hand of more capable writings.

Unfortunately, it all falls apart because the characters are so bland and uninteresting. Nerith is absolutely insufferable in the first half of the game, since she does nothing but violently threaten Hikaru and berate him, which makes it a lot harder to get invested in her character. Nerith’s character seems like how a stereotypical cis man views a “strong female character.” As someone who is violent, aggressive, and oftentimes rude to men for no reason. Either that or it’s just a fetish thing.

The problem with Hikaru’s character isn’t that he’s unlikable, it’s that he’s bland and boring. Seeing Nerith make life more difficult for Hikaru by threatening him, berating him, and generally being an insufferable brute is not satisfying. It WOULD be satisfying if the main character was someone like Dennis from Slave Witch April who was an agonizingly detestable misogynist, but that would require some creativity, and we can’t have that now can we?

The more that I think about it, this is probably one of the most poorly thought out ecchi VNs I’ve ever played. The only possible appeal that something like Celestial Crossing could have is its sex appeal, but it’s still lacking when compared to the average Winged Cloud title. Yet this game is certainly not going to entertain with its story or characters. Hell there were apparently plans for an 18+ update, but there was no demand because this game sucked.

The only real positives I can say is that the art is decent, the soundtrack is serviceable (although it’s mostly stock music), and the game isn’t offensive. Overall, Celestial Crossing is just boring and unremarkable. It is not recommended.

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