I feel like I’m starting to sound like a broken record each month. I’m basically trying to explain where I’m at mentally and why I don’t put out as many updates as I used to. I wouldn’t be so concerned about my output if it weren’t for the fact that it becomes harder to grow my platform when there is less content. I’m considering returning to my original schedule of editing a previous review of mine each week just so I put something out. I do want to get back in the habit of having smaller stuff to post between the political pieces and new reviews.
Anyway here’s the brief recap of last month’s content.
A slight increase from last month since I at least got a poem out. Hard to believe I was getting those out daily at one point. And I have started work on my review of Bayonetta and on my Illinois Elections piece. I’ve been giving more and more thought to canceling the future pieces on electoral politics since I keep biting off more than I can chew, or at the very least revamping them into something more manageable. Then again, if I was ever going to give up on them then I likely would have by now.
Point is I don’t know what the plan for the future is besides “whatever the fuck I want,” and I probably don’t need much more than that. A vast majority of the traffic to my site is from my review of Euphoria from over 2 years ago, a review that now shows up on the front page of Google if you search “Euphoria Visual Novel.” The logical move should be to just review Maggot Baits already, and I do want to get to that game within the year. But it just feels weird knowing that a single piece is carrying my entire site while my other and arguably better work has a view count still in the double digits, and some don’t even manage that.
The past few weeks in particular was a serious emotional roller coaster. There were some very special moments such as my birthday last Tuesday and getting to spend the day with one of my partners. But I also had to have my dog put down, had a close call with one of my partners and almost had another breakup on my hands, and right when I got things worked out with my partner, my Facebook account gets zucced for a week which results in me getting cut off from a lot of my friends.
At the very least, there are a few things that are absolutely certain for me. The first is that I’ve grown significantly in the past year since the last breakup I had. I still would not say I have all my shit together though. I’m still a college dropout with no job or income outside of Patreon and I’m still deathly terrified of doing either. I’m still agoraphobic and have my serious bouts of BPD and anxiety, and I’m still too anxious and nervous to make progress on my name change or in getting a laser hair removal appointment.
That leads me to the second thing that is certain, that being that I have some amazing friends that I can rely on to support me, and I will always be appreciative of that. I really don’t know where I’d be without you all, if I’d even be anywhere at all. And perhaps the one thing that keeps me going despite all the heartache is the messages and support from everyone who has told me that yes, I have made a difference in their lives.
That leads me to realize one more thing that I am absolutely certain of; I am going to keep going forward with this blog. All that will change is the rate in which I update it. I’m not sure about other projects, but this will continue.
Anyway, here’s the Patreon shout outs. Special thanks to Beverly Martin, blue desolation, Brittany Eakin, Krysta Hunt, Cesar Zamudio, Dia, IceTheRetroKid, Rinnie S, Sam Dermody, and Winter.
If you would like to support me or my work then please consider pledging to my Patreon. Your help would be immensely appreciated!