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Steam Greenlight Landfill: Panty Party

Apparently a lot of women hate the sound of the word “panties.” I cannot say that since being deprived of my femininity for 20 years made me yearn for the type of shit that most women don’t even care for and thus fucked me up for life. I actually quite like panties. They are much cuter than men’s underwear and… nope, can’t do it. I can’t bring myself to make an opening monologue about panties. Even I have standards after all, plus it’s one of those things that I just can’t really explain objectively; no one can.

Panty Party on the other hand, can be explained. I’ve mentioned more than enough that “OMG Japan is so fucked up” reactions any time a weird Japanese game exists is not only getting old, but is kind of xenophobic. The US has a lot of weird shit to after all. But something like Panty Party could only come from Japan given that there is a much larger fascination with panties among the opposite sex (of those that usually wear them) over there. Panty Party is pretty much an example of a shitpost in game format.

Story wise, Panty Party is as intentionally stupid as possible. It’s a game about sentient panties for one. More specifically, it’s about a high school girl named Yurika who gets approached by a living panty literally named “Baka Panty” who is looking for someone called “The Warrior of Love.” It turns out that the warrior of love is Yurika because she supposedly loves all panties equally despite the fact that she doesn’t seem to care about them. They need her to stop Panzai-sama, the big bad who is in charge of an army of lower quality panties that wants to force the rest of the population to appreciate them, but Baka Panty will never acknowledge forced love as genuine. So Yurika ends up getting turned into a panty to fight other sentient panties to save the world.

See what I mean about it? If I can give this game for one thing, the plot is dumb enough that I actually wanted to see how it turns out. In addition to that the art direction is well done, the voice acting is solid, and the music is upbeat and catchy. I may actually recommend looking up the cutscenes on Youtube if you are looking for a good laugh. There is no fanservice though if that was what you were expecting.

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Yurika, The Iris Heart of panties.

The downside to these types of games is that they are the equivalent of movies like Sharknado that become popular solely because of their dumb premise and title; and they always cheap out on the gameplay. It should be noted that Panty Party is at least a playable title but I ran into so many problems within the first hour of playing that there is no way I can imagine this game getting any better.

The particular issue that killed this game for me was the abhorrent control scheme. You move using the WASD keys and aim and change the direction of the camera using the mouse. Your goal is to fight against other panties. You can do an instant dodge with either the Q or E keys as opposed to moving slowly in that direction, but the problem is that most people don’t have 7 fingers on one hand and trying to shift the position of your hand to use them will through your hand placement off.

Yes, but even I have standards.

Switching between which weapons you use is mapped to the mouse wheel, which often will scroll down two spaces and prevent the type of reliable instant weapon swapping that you need for this game. This prevents the player from approaching the game with any type of strategy other than using the beam and dodging. Each level is over in about a few minutes as well with only 20 levels in the game, so you don’t exactly get much content out of the game either. Also playing with a controller is even worse because you don’t get free control of the camera which renders the game nigh unplayable.

It still may be possible to just Leeroy Jenkins your way through the game but I didn’t have the patience to find out and didn’t want to risk being ineligible for a refund. I really can’t bring myself to say much about the gameplay because it’s just such a shallow mess. All I can say is just don’t play this game. If the goofy premise interests you, then just look up a playthrough on Youtube and don’t bother with the actual game. This game will not satiate even the most diehard of panty enthusiasts that I am sure actually exist somewhere.

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