Regarding ZeebDemon, Cassandra Mel, and My Discord Server

Update: This piece discusses my relationship with Cassandra Mel. I must ask that readers disregard any positive sentiment towards this person, and to read my most recent piece on the matter. This person is very dangerous, and I regret platforming them in any capacity, and advise no one to go anywhere near them.

I am posting this to let everyone know that I will not be posting a normal Site Update piece. The reason why is because of I have received immense waves of harassment via Twitter and I’m being accused of some genuinely depraved stuff, such as grooming minors in my Discord server, and I want to focus my energy on being able to address everything in full.

That specific claim stems from a lot of wider drama, which will take a lot more time to explain, but I want to quickly nip any grooming accusations in the bud. I’d highly recommend reading this archived Twitter thread before reading on.

Before I deleted my Twitter account, I made a specific point to archive my thread debunking this “evidence” against me. Honestly, the evidence on its own is so slim that it’s genuinely hard to imagine anyone buying into this. The callout thread that started this literally cited screenshots of me comparing pedophilic relationships to slavery and stating that I turned down a 16 year old that tried to seduce me… as evidence of me being a groomer. Like, quite literally screenshots of me saying the opposite of what was described. If it weren’t for the sheer amount of people who actually bought into this, I wouldn’t even be putting in the effort to respond.

“The scariest part is that Annie didn’t fuck that teen girl.”

Anyway, I do want to get one thing out of the way, and what is the core reason that people are so willing to believe this. The reason for this, is because I’m willing to allow people who identify as MAPs in my server, provided they don’t advocate for pro contact views, or act like creeps. Keep in mind, this server is 18+, meaning there are no minors present. While yes, there was a point where minors were allowed in the server, the server was made 18+ almost a year ago. Meanwhile, this recent controversy stemmed from me allowing ZeebDemon into my server, which happened about a month ago.

This has resulted in people taking screenshots from several years back, and stating that they happened in the past few months. Also note, these people rarely provide evidence. They instead rely on “if you allow MAPs in, it must be because you’re a pedo yourself.” Anyway, this is completely inane. The reason I allow people like Zeeb in my server is because I don’t believe in the idea that one’s innate attraction makes them evil; it’s whether or not they act on said attraction that makes all the difference.

Now, if someone provided evidence that Zeeb groomed someone, then that would be a whole different story. However, no one will, because if an open MAP like ZeebDemon groomed someone, there’d be evidence to show for it. Groomers, by their very nature, act on deception and manipulation, and it’s a lot harder to do that when you’re open about your paraphillia.

Dream Leaf claims I “let minors into my MAP server” years before I allowed Zeeb in my server, because grooming is when MAPs exist anywhere that a minor was once present at any point in time.

I also want to add to this that I’m a CSA survivor, and that overwhelmingly, the people who have been the most understanding about this have been other survivors. And the reason for this is because, when you experience such a horrific act for yourself, you become more concerned with actually preventing this from happening through whatever means are necessary. Personally, I think this also means treating non-offending MAPs as human beings and making it easier for them to get the treatment they need instead of stigmatizing their very existence.

Also I just want to add, that I find it insulting how performative and virtue signally most of the hatred towards people like Zeeb is. When you treat people like Zeeb the same way you treat an actual predator, you’re effectively showing your ass. You’re saying that the decision to use more healthy and ethical outlets like loli is equally bad to consuming actual CSEM or abusing kids, which is basically an admission that it was never about helping anyone. It was about punishing people for perceived “degeneracy.”

People often fall into the trap of treating pedophilia like it is an ideology that one can spread, and also choose to opt out of. They claim that pedos identifying as MAPs or creating MAP flags, or even the existence of lolicon is “promoting pedophilia,” which honestly reminds me a lot of conservatives accusing the left of “promoting the homosexual agenda.” And no, this is not to say that pedophiles are a one to one comparison for gay people. Rather, it’s the same principal here, that identifying themselves is considered a political statement, and thus propagandic.

TFW helping an exposed groomer launder their reputation by attacking an innocent person to frame themselves as “reformed” = “Hitler drank water”

But what I don’t get about the idea that certain things “normalize pedophilla” is that… most people know what pedophilia is. I highly doubt that anyone who wasn’t already a pedo will become a pedo if they see someone use the term MAP to describe themselves. Also, let me be clear, MAP flags should not be at pride, and if you bring one you’re a fucking moron. Point is, it would have made a pretty significant difference if my abuser choose a more healthy outlet for her desires rather than abusing me, and I’m quite confident that a lot of survivors would say the same thing.

The rumors surrounding my Discord was started by a user called Fate CEO. I just figure I should let you in on the type of person he is. The first thing to note is that he leaked the logs of my Discord server dating back to 2018. Not only was he unable to find any evidence that I groomed anyone, he also broke revenge porn laws by leaking the NSFW channel, which contained the nudes of several server members, including myself. Sadly, he will not face any repercussions for this, as Fate lives in Russia, which has no revenge porn laws.

But there is one other thing to note regarding Fate; he shared posts alleging that my server contained a 15 year old girl’s nudes in it… right before he leaked it. Just saying, if what he was saying about me was true, this mother fucker would be in jail and forced to register as a sex offender. And let me just recap his other instances of pedophilia apologia.

Okay, there’s probably a lot more shit I should go into. Specifically, I didn’t bring up my attempt to befriend Cassandra Mel. The short version of that was that I was trying to befriend her so she can get the help she needs, it’s not done out of approval of any of her beliefs, I was just trying to help a 19 year old girl who had literally no one else who would. Unfortunately, it failed, because trying to play bargain bin therapist to a disturbed, pedophilic Nazi teenager is a lot harder when the entire online left is up your ass about how my willingness to help a Nazi not be a Nazi makes me a Nazi. Also, quite literally, all of this harassment started in response to this girl attempting suicide, and most of lefty Twitter celebrating and telling me I should follow her, less than 24 hours after I was in a voice chat with her while she attempted. Oh, and they also tried to claim it was my fault for not calling 911… despite not knowing where she was located or anything about her method that would be able to help, and despite trying everything I could to talk her out of attempting.

Literal groomer clutching pearls about Zeeb existing in the presence of kids. I genuinely cannot see how a post this innocent is twisted to be some sort of devious sexual gratification.

All of this Discord shit was picked up by lefty Twitter because they were displeased with the fact that I thought it was wrong to celebrate a 19 year old girl’s suicide attempt. Oh, and then Shoe0nHead got involved. Ah yes, the queen retard herself. The same person who smeared an anti-CSA organization as a bunch of groomers because they prioritize therapy and rehabilitation, and the same person who pedo-jacketed Xanderhal and Demonmama over not being adequately outraged over the Balenciaga moral panic.

Isn’t there something ironic about the woman who had to be told that saying Leslie Jones looks like a Gorilla was kinda racist is against the very concept of rehabilitation. And lets be real, Shoe probably convinced a lot more people to be racist than Cassandra ever did. But no one will care, because people care more about “how bad people are” than the amount of harm they caused. You ever hear of Engel’s theory of social murder? Well, this is social racism.

I’m sure the person whose response to someone saying that they looked at porn at age 11 is “lol pedo” is entirely mature enough to discuss serious issues and is responsible enough to handle a platform of over a million people.

But guys, I have the solution here, but it’s going to be a risky one on my part…… I’m willing to take one for the team and become Shoe’s next partner so she stops having ground shatteringly stupid takes. What’s that Shoe? You think I’m only attracted to little girls? Well allow me to prove it to you otherwise… up close and personally…

This is a joke obviously, because I can totally picture Shoe doing some sort of “Ewww, this is sexual harassment, gross creepy predator!!!” bullshit that you know she’d only do cause I’m trans. Okay I better stop cause I’m doing the “imagining a person saying something and getting mad at it shit” because the people who hate me are dishonest, manipulative narcissists, and I’ve become conditioned to perceive every possible dishonest clapback or quip that they will say the instant I think of a certain bit.

I also want to note that two users who were prominently featured in screenshots of my Discord, those being Kiri and TechnoPolis, were banned from my server rather quickly. Kiri was banned because a friend of mine tipped me off that they were a genuine monster who groomed a 14 year old girl and is very open about her abuse apologia. I was unaware of this because the messages they left in my server didn’t indicate this stance. To provide more information on this user, they have also gone by the usernames Ogi, Mayoi, and Rachel. Upon being informed of her, I posted a thread regarding her crimes on Twitter and tagged every member in my server, instructing them to block her. I would instruct all of you to do the same.

This is the user in question, if she is in any of your communities and has interacted with you, be aware of who she is.

The other user is TechnoPolis/CutieFromSpace, a user who was screenshotted asking about the ethicality of jerking it to pictures of child models almost immediately upon joining. They were banned after several complaints from other server members about their creepy behavior, including the few other MAPs that were present.. Honestly, I regret not banning this creep earlier, and briefly did ban them after being creeped out by them… only to let them back it after being stuck in a moral quandary about them. The thing to note about this person is that they are unbearably creepy and just an unpleasent person to be around, but they don’t strike me as outright malicious like Kiri is. A lot of their creepiness factor comes across from them lacking any sort of social skills or sense of boundaries, and oftentimes, that shit comes from mental disabilities.

So it effectively became a question of “was it right to ban someone for something they genuine can’t help when they genuinely want to be a good person, and you have one of the only spaces that is willing to recognize the humanity of someone like this? And this is where that whole thing about child models comes in. It goes without saying, that creeped me the fuck out. Hell the other MAPs in this server were creeped out by that. They were not some valued member of this community. In fact, the exact screenshots featuring Techno were clearly not okay with this shit.

Anyway, my decision to ban TechnoPolis came when it was clear they’d be a detriment to the well being of this community, and they were only present for a few days. Honestly, I regret not banning this moron sooner. The only reason I didn’t ban them after the child models thing was because I highly prioritize harm prevention, and my thought process was “that’s fucking gross, but if it keeps you from jerking it to CSEM or hurting kids in real life then okay I guess.” Anyway, this experience has lead to the general guideline I follow with regards to MAPs in my server. My rules are that they must not engage in or promote pro contact behavior or ideology, and they must not act like creeps. People who break the first one get publicly outted, people who only break the second are quietly banned.

Twitter’s greatest warrior.

Oh, I better address Erin Green real quick. This was actually the final straw in me deleting my Twitter since people who were okay with the other two things became absolutely retarded on this one. Anyway, let me get this out of the way, dating and having sex with a 16 year old is bad, it is very fucking bad! This is not me “defending” Erin Green. By the way, that’s another stupid fucking thing about all this. Me being willing to acknowledge the basic humanity of people who did bad things is phrased as “defending” them, when I never attempt to justify what they did.

Anyway, Erin Green did this when she was 21, and she’s currently in her 30s, and as recently as a few days ago, I received DMs from her partner’s ex stating that they don’t believe Erin is a predator or a danger to kids, and they probably know her better than I do or a bunch of Twitter bystanders. In actuality, they claim that Erin was emotionally abusive and manipulative, but Erin claims that Lux was emotionally abusive and manipulative. And yes, being emotionally abusive and manipulative is also very bad. However, why is this conversation not about this when it’s what the victim says is the real problem?

Oh yeah, that’s right, cause this shit is NEVER about helping the victim! What they want is never so much as a concern! If it was, maybe you’d fucking listen to us for once instead of this constant hysteria and moral panic! You’re all so damn willing to spout out cliched “think of the children” quips yet you spend more time harassing survivors like myself than actual fucking predators like Fate CEO and Zrcalo. For Gods fucking sake, Dream Leaf and CherryBreadTV, two of the most vocal figures in this crusade against me, both of them were mutuals with me for close to a year while I continuous hammered away at Fate CEO and exposed him. Neither of them offered so much as a peep when I was trying to hold this community accountable.

The same people that have run me off of two platformer have not lifted a finger to help me expose someone who went to bat for a confessed child rapist, and who offered an alibi for him sending his 11 year old niece’s feet pics to foot fetishists.

Yet both of them not only turn on me the moment I try to help a mentally disturbed 19 year old girl, they start going after me for being a lolicon, which again, they knew about and were cool with for close to a year. And then the fuckers use screenshots from Fate CEO’s thread in their own callouts against me. People like this remind me SO much of my abuser, it makes me fucking sick to my stomach.

And you want to know what convinced me to allow Erin in my community Erin? Despite the fact that I knew doing this would result in even more betrayals and backstabbing at I time where I was already becoming increasingly suicidal? It’s because I got to know Erin through my attempts to help the aforementioned Cassandra Mel. According to Cassandra’s words, Erin spent close to two hours trying to talk Cassandra out of her pro contact views. I also know that Erin offered to help find a therapist in Cassandra’s general area.

Yeah, know how people say that pedos “need help” all the fucking time? Turns out, getting help isn’t all that easy. Not only can it be too expensive for a lot of people, but it’s also a coin flip whether or not you get a good one. Cassandra got one that tried to connect her pedophilia to her being trans, and basically diagnosed her with autogynephillia. Another one refused to prescribe her antidepressants on the basis of her “not actually having depression” while she was in the hospital for a fucking suicide attempt.

This is the deranged predator you all are talking about. Someone literally begging for help from mental health professionals so she doesn’t hurt anyone. It hurts so much knowing I couldn’t help her.

One of the most heartbreaking things about all of this was Cass telling me how hard she was trying to get help, and how no one could help her. It turns out that when you call pedos inhuman monsters over and over again, sometimes, the people that are supposed to help them believe that shit to. So, when MAPs can’t trust therapists, they decide it’s better to just repress and try their hardest to be normal. And when those who struggle with impulse control like Cassandra, avoid therapy, they self destruct, and they either kill themselves, or they get arrested.

In other words, your stupid virtue signaling bullshit continuously results in more children having to endure the same fucked up torture I had. And every single one of you continuously says over and over again “I don’t care how many kids are raped as long as I get to keep hating pedos.” And this ends in a fucked up world where the ones who actually care about the well being children… are pedophiles.

And I don’t have reason to doubt it. In the short time I’ve known Erin, she’s done more to prevent abuse than most of these Twitter LARPers have done in a lifetime. Same thing applies to Zeeb, though in her case, she’s actively talked a number of MAPs out of Pro C positions and talked AAMs out of seeking out relationships with adults.

This was something that Zeeb said to me in DMs that really stuck with me. It’s why I’m willing to risk so much on all this. When I said Continue, Don’t Quit, I fucking meant it!

It’s genuinely unsettling to compare the impact that this backlash has had on me, effectively driving me off two different social media platforms and cutting my Patreon Income by 1/5th, to the substance of the arguments against me. It is because of this that I am not apologizing. You’re all in the wrong here, and no amount of manipulative gaslighting or abuse is going to change this. If you DO want to change this, provide evidence that Zeeb or Erin are dangerous predators (though reminder, I’m no longer friends with Cassandra, though I do not apologize for trying to help her). But none of you can do that, and I know that because I practically BEGGED my followers to provide a valid reason I shouldn’t allow Erin near me. I was dreading the inevitable backlash to it, but unlike SOME people, I have genuine principals that I’m willing to stick by even when it fucking hurts to do so.

Anyway, there are a bunch of people treating my exit from social media as if it’s some sort of serious victory against me, and honestly, this is how you can tell these people aren’t concerned about protecting children. I invited a fuckton of my Twitter followers to my Discord before nuking my account, meaning that this supposed “grooming server” now has over 200 members (by the way, of those 200 members, about like 6 of them are MAPs, less than 5%, but let’s not let facts get in the way of moral panics). Also ever notice how frivolously people use the word “grooming” these days? You do realize that when you accuse someone of a serious crime, you have to provide evidence, right?

Anyway, I initially intended this as a brief update, but I ended up going into more detail about the drama surrounding me. So if you’ve seen any callouts against me, that’s what all if this was. Anyway, I’m foregoing Patron shoutouts because I don’t want them to be subject to any further harassment for associating with me. But it would be immensely appreciated if any of you could support me on Patreon, especially since I may lose even more over this stupid bullshit. I really need as much help as I can get, so it would mean a lot.

This is what my DMs with Cass looked like, in case it ever seemed like I was coddling her too much. She clearly knows something is wrong, but doesn’t know how to cope with it. If she’s reading this Cass, please hold on until you can get the professional help you need.

The fucked up thing about this is how often we’ve seen people on social media being completely fucking deranged over content creators. Both ContraPoints and Keffals ended up relapsing into drug addictions from the frequent abuse, Lindsay Ellis quite literally became so stressed out that she started shitting blood. Isabel Fall was institutionalized because of the abuse against her, and there’s probably a ton of other examples I’m missing. But I can already see people responding with genuine outrage and disgust that I dare compare myself to those people. After all, the difference is that I “deserved it,” and clearly no one who ever abused another person thought that about the person they were abusing.

Oh, and I didn’t even talk about how fascists are using my perceived connection to Keffals in an attempt to attack her, despite the fact that I don’t even know her well enough to get added on Discord. It’s honestly quite amazing the shit that people come up with to connect me to Keffals as part of their own deranged conspiracy theory that all trannies they don’t like are part of a secret pedophile ring. Though yes, a lot of the shit they’ve said about my Discord is the same shit they did to promote the Catboy Ranch conspiracy theory.

You want to know what my real connection to this community is? I went to talk to Vaush on stream before I was even open about any loli shit, and there are some members of his community who are still willing to support me. Throughout this whole drama, none of the major content creators got involved in any way, with the exception of Keffals, whose response was to block me on Blue Sky and ban me from her server. And the thing is, I can’t even blame her for that, simply because she’s already been through so much abuse, and doesn’t want to deal with the inevitable backstabbings and harassment that would come from defending me.

I saw her on those few streams before she went to rehab, and I wanted so badly to offer whatever support I could, despite not having had many personal interactions with her. The biggest irony of all this is that the very community that is currently skewering me over my willingness to stick by and defend those I care about… is the community that taught me to be this way to begin with. Remember when I said I talked to Vaush on stream? I used to hate him, and I used to be far more skeptical regarding the idea of “rehabilitation.”

However, this type of shit is precisely why I’m making a point to defend even those perceived as indefensible, because this shit needs to stop. I refuse to let an over glorified popularity contest trick me into abandoning my core principals. And those principals include prioritizing rehabilitation and reformation over the vague, abstract notion of “justice” that doesn’t actually exist. An eye for an eye makes the whole world go blind.

And yeah, I guess this needs to apply this to myself as well. In retrospect, a lot of this was likely caused by the fact that I always felt the need to rush into conflict and call out perceived injustice. I guess it was inevitable that it would catch up with me at some point. One quote that has always informed a lot of my activism comes from Desmond Tutu. “If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse, and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality.”

The meaning of this quote is to suggest that oftentimes, “neutrality” is an act of intellectual cowardice. It is taken by people who simply cannot be bothered to risk emotional investment in conflict, because having to take a stand and stick by your principals is difficult. That being said, some take this quote a little too far, arguing that unless you are breaking your back to save the world, then you are complicate in oppression. This then turns into little more than a tool with which to virtue signal about one’s supposed moral superiority, with the biggest irony being that these people are often unwilling to reflect on their own preconceived beliefs and biases.

Intellectual and moral consistency is a rarity even on the left, and the niche and often messy discussions surrounding paraphillia and kink are the biggest evidence of this. Just think of how many cliched anti-LGBT arguments are commonly accepted rationals for hating pedophiles. The biggest contradiction that I’ve noticed from a young age is the inconsistency of how much the “born this way” rhetoric is recognized with gay people, yet you think that those in perhaps the most reviled group in human history choose this? That when it comes to LGBT people, they are willing to recognize that LGBT Pride does not literally mean pride for their sexuality, but pride in their willingness to defy the societal expectations and stand up for themselves. Yet, when it comes to MAPs, they believe that creating a flag is literally “promoting child rape,” as opposed to a rejection of the idea that they’re a literal monster only capable of evil.

It’s genuinely embarrassing that a statement as tame as “Zeeb is a human being and should be judged by her actions and not her paraphillia that she never choose to have” is so controversial that I was driven off two different social media platforms because of it. Oh wait, I was supposed to be talking about the shit I did wrong, it’s almost as if the few mistakes I made in this whole mess did not even come close to warranting this type of response and will be meaningless because the shit that people are ACTUALLY mad about is utterly insane.

That being said, publicly announcing that I was allowing Erin Green in my server was a bad idea, and I should have just deleted Twitter and then let her in. The issue is that what I did made it come across like I thought it was a bad thing that Erin got immense backlash for having sex with a 16 year old when she was 21, when I only brought that up cause I knew people would eventually give me shit for it anyway, so I wanted to get it over with.

So just to make things clear, my issue isn’t with Erin facing consequences, just as it wasn’t with Cass getting backlash for being a Nazi pedophile. It’s the fact that the online left is so childish that they are opposed to the concept of rehabilitation… except for when they suddenly aren’t. Do you not think there’s a significant irony in how much hate I got for trying to help Cassandra… from people in Vaush’s community? The same community that gets a ton of shit for having a lot of reformed Nazis in it? I suppose expecting someone to forgive someone who confessed to one of the most reviled crimes in existence is a bit much, but God, it pisses me off how little the question of “how did the victim feel in all this?” is taken into account.

God, I am trying my best to scrounge for things I did wrong sort of like when I scrounge for positives when I review a very bad game. And I just know, this is going to be perceived as cocky and egotistical because I’m not adequately castrating myself for going against the consensus on something that none of these fuckers can be bothered to provide a rational argument for. Uhhh, I think I lashed out at too many people when I was really upset that Cassandra attempted suicide, and I felt that the people who openly celebrated a 19 year old girl’s suicide attempt were evil and bloodthirsty. I guess I didn’t approach things in the most calm and nuanced manner when I was literally mourning over someone I thought was dead.

I guess I shouldn’t have brought up Eden Knight in that whole thing, since many of them were still grieving over her suicide, and Cassandra called Eden a fucking slur. But… my original point was right. They care so much more about Eden because she was an influential pillar of the community and a beloved friend to many involved in it. And okay, if you think Eden was a better person than Cassandra, you’d be most people. But also, are you unable to acknowledge that there’s something tragic about a 19 year old girl growing up in a grotesquely abusive environment where she regularly feared for her life and was not allowed to have friends, then grew up to sacrifice her reputation for the sake of an ideology that would stab her in the back, and is unable to get the mental help she needs due to misconduct on the part of medical professionals, leading her into a self destructive spiral that ends with her attempting to take her own life?

No, can’t do that now can we? That would require us to acknowledge that societal factors and systems of oppression sometimes play a role in making bad people the way they are, and thinking about that would require us to maybe acknowledge that all of us are human and capable of evil under the right circumstances. We can’t do that! If we did, we wouldn’t be able to conveniently label people we don’t like with thought terminating buzzwords and cliches. Can’t be risking any self reflection and growth now can we? Well I suppose bringing up Eden was unnecessary in that they are tragic for completely different reasons, Eden’s being because she enjoyed her life and had it forcefully stripped from her, and Cass’s because she repeatedly engaged in self destructive and self abusive behaviors stemming from her being set up to fail, and very few wanting to help her get out of it, because she pushes people who get close to her away as a result of her own fear and paranoia. So I guess that may have been an apples and oranges thing.

Yeah, I think that’s about it. So you’re probably thinking “over 5K words just to double down on everything?” Yes, exactly. I am not sorry for anything, and I would and plan to do it again. And you can’t stop me. Get over it, and move on with your life. I will not continue to enable this toxic abuse, nor will I dignify it with anything more than a perpetually extended middle finger. Of course, for those with genuine concerns, who bothered to read everything and who are willing to approach me in good faith, you could always approach me in private. But you’re not going to, because these people are cowards, who hide behind their numbers to compensate for their immaturity and lack of critical thinking.

And you’re all so damn frustrated that I haven’t moved an inch, and it will stay that way, because that’s not how mature adults resolve conflicts and disagreements. It’s time for you to grow up, you all are acting like children, and contrary to popular belief, I’m not into that.

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