This picture right here is how I came out as trans. The account is deleted now but I still have a screenshot of it. To think I realized I was trans entirely because of a question on a Q&A site.
What a ride it has been. Despite all the frequent heartache and dysfunction I’ve experienced, I’m still the happiest I’ve ever been right now. All because I’ve got to live as my true self. Going from living as a male to transitioning and living as a woman is like you never showered for 20 years, and the feeling of finally cleaning away all that grime and dirt and resembling a human being for the first time.
Transitioning wasn’t even about changing gender presentation or getting to wear cute girly clothes (which I surprisingly don’t do as often as I expected to), but just this entire idea of drastically as a person over the past few years.
Thinking about what I used to be, the type of crowds I used to hang around, and a lot of the shit that I though even in those first few years of being out as trans, I feel dirty. Being involved with reactionary anti progressive numbskulls and interacting with them has done more to push me to the left than anything that anything any leftist could have ever said to me. Looking back through that time period, there were always moments where it is plainly obvious how I didn’t fit in.
Some of the few moments that come to mind were trying to tell my then fellow GamerGate supporters that maybe you shouldn’t be harassing Brianna Wu while her dog is dying, or saying that Paul Elam is wrong when he states some blatantly misogynistic nonsense and that most men’s right activists actually care about civil rights issues pertaining to men. The element of hindsight really shows how fruitless it all was. It was like trying to fabreeze a septic tank.
Realizing that I was trans was instantaneous, but realizing the truth about the people I thought were my friends, that was more gradual. So many things that were normalized within that community I never thought about until after I left it. And I must say, I’m glad to be done with that shit. I feel so much more alive among my fellow leftist SJWs. Amazing how I was once convinced these people were intolerant and hateful. That they would cancel me over the slightest hiccup. It’s not that I haven’t had a few that did, but they make up a much smaller portion than right wing reactionaries make it out to be.
I guess most of all, I just wanted a place where I could fit in. Where I felt free to be myself without fear of shame, and where I felt like I belonged. I used to think I was an outcast that would never have any hope of being accepted or loved, or that anyone would care about my words or what I bring to the world. It’s why I always feel so passionate about helping those that feel left behind or alone.
Well, I rambled about this for a lot longer than I expected. But yeah, I’m glad I made it this far. And I am confident things will look up to all of us. Here’s to a better future.
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