The Weekly Bern (6/26/2020): Bowman & Jones Win Primary, Booker Leading McGrath, Can Romanoff Win too?

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Welcome to this week’s edition of The Weekly Bern and NO MORE ELIOT ENGEL, FUCK YEAH MOTHERFUCKERS!!!! So yeah, you’ve probably heard by now about the enormous victories in the New York Primary. Not only did Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez win re-election in a landslide against her Wall Street pandering opponent, which will undoubtedly lead to a lot of conservative tears when they find out that AOC survived re-election and President Pussygrabber didn’t… she won in a landslide! This of course came as no surprise to anyone except for the aforementioned right wing goons and detached Wall Street oligarchs, but it feels so good to give those fuckers a taste of their own medicine. Read more

The Weekly Bern (6/14/2020): Paula Jean Swearengin Wins Primary, Charles Booker & Jamaal Bowman Surging.

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As predicted, we did in fact see some more progressive victories in the June 9th primaries, and most of them were in West Virginia. While Stephen Smith did not manage the nomination, several West Virginia Can’t Wait candidates still have, including Senate candidate Paula Jean Swearengin. While Paula Jean’s nomination is a pretty big victory in and of itself when compared to the defeats of Erica Smith and Kimberly Graham earlier this year, it should be noted that she was not the only West Virginia Can’t Wait candidate to win her primary.

All three of three House nominees not only are part of the West Virginia Can’t Wait movement, but have each signed on to the People’s Platform, a collection of 30+ progressive plans and policy positions, some of which include the legalization of cannabis, a freedom dividend, and publicly funded college tuition. This is in addition to three State Senate candidates and 11 State Assembly candidates that have also advanced to their respective general elections. Read more

The Weekly Bern (6/5/2020): June 9th Elections

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The June 6th Primaries went significantly better than I expected. I’m not going to say that they were excellent or anything given that, as with the past few primaries, a lot of progressive challengers got squashed. Kimberly Graham and Mckayla Wilkes both performed way below expectations, and the only major winners in congressional races, with exception of Teresa Legar Fernandez, were those running unoppossed or for the nomination in red states where all the odds are stacked against them in the general.

But there are some good things to come out of this recent election, the one that you’ve most likely heard of being that insane bigoted scumbag Steve King lost his primary. While the current Republican nominee for his district is only a slight improvement over King and will undoubtedly vote the same way, it means that we have one less wannabe fascist in DC, and simply being rid of him will mean a lot. That being said, it now means that it’s going to be harder for progressive Democrat J.D. Scholten to flip this seat, but if his fundraising numbers are any indication, it may not be impossible. Read more

The Weekly Bern (5/29/2020): Bernie Berns Out, Kara Eastman Primary Victory, June 2nd Primaries.

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Just to preemptively shut down any “this weekly series hasn’t had an update in over a month” comments, read the Pink Tsunami pieces I posted since then. Those are you updates. Those pieces take a lot of work and I have my limitations. Hell I was suffering some pretty heavy burnout from those alone and was worried I’d have to can The Weekly Bern. While I may not be able to get a piece out every week, The Whenever the Hell I Feel Like It Bern just doesn’t roll off the tongue as well.

And speaking of Bern out, I think we need to talk about the man himself. Recently he started kneecapping his delegates by telling them they can’t say mean no-no words about corporate Democrats. Some revolution this is, ain’t it? While Bernie has played an important roll in this mass movement, it does not change the fact that we don’t need him in order to get what we want. Read more

The Weekly Bern (4/9/2020): Bernie’s Out, Now What?

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Yeah, I didn’t get a Weekly Bern installment up last week. The reason for this was because I was focused on a bunch of other shit, and nothing really eventful happened. Anyway, it turns out that Bernie Sanders just dropped out of the Presidential race, meaning that creepy Joe Biden is now the nominee.

While it should be noted that Bernie is still on the ballot, he is done campaigning. This effectively means that Biden will be the nominee unless by some miracle, everyone who already favored Biden decides to vote for Bernie instead, and lord knows the normie Democrats are too complacent to vote for a candidate that has already stopped campaigning. Read more

The Weekly Bern (3/27/2020): Joe Biden Rape Accusation, Marie Newman’s Primary Win.

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Despite the fact that all the normies are going insane at the prospect of not going outside, there is an advantage to this whole virus situation. That advantage is that the elections are getting delayed, and this means Bernie has more time to shift the narrative in his favor. But instead of that, he’s spending all his time trying to combat the virus and help people through a difficult and dangerous situation. Almost like some sort of President or something!

Meanwhile Joe Biden has done absolute shit. He’s been in hiding for multiple days and then had a speech where he stumbles over and slurs his words while reading from a teleprompter. He also conveniently wants to skip out on the next debate so he can hide his cognitive decline and not have to argue that Bernie’s policies are too radical and socialist while at the same time advocating for them to be implemented during the quarantine period. Read more

The Weekly Bern (3/19/2020): The Debate, Super Tuesday Part 3, Marie Newman.

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So part three of Super Tuesday is up and it is a downer ending as well. We just made it through the worst trilogy since the Zelda CDI games, and we better pray that the next primary is not our Hotel Mario! Silly game related in-jokes aside, it’s easy to assume that we are fucked and that Biden has already won. While I try the best to be as optimistic as possible in even the worst of times, even I am starting to get concerned. Well I was already concerned, but now I’m even more concerned then when I was already concerned.

Biden’s delegate lead has now grown even larger since Bernie did not manage a come from behind victory in the final states in the Super Tuesday trilogy, not counting Ohio whose primaries are postponed to who knows when. Bernie has now stated that he is going to reassess his campaign, and thankfully that does not mean he has dropped out.

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The Weekly Bern (3/12/2020): Mini Super Tuesday and Ohio Progressives

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Welcome to my newest series, The Weekly Bern. As the title implies, this series will recap everything happening related to Bernie Sanders and the movement that he spawned. The idea is to get out a piece every week to recap what is going on, because if you couldn’t tell, there’s a lot of shit happening.

At the time of writing this, we have just come off of what I am calling Super Tuesday Jr, where we basically had a similar result to last week. Biden won most of the states, but Bernie hasn’t fallen TOO far behind. A lot of people have already begun to despair and given up hope, but many of us are forgetting that only 47% of the delegates have come into play right now, and we still have a long way to go. If we continue at the same pace we are going now, then we’re going to lose. The plus side is that we’ve already seen how quickly the tide can turn in this race. Read more