Guardian Acorn

Site Progress & Personal Update: November 2020 (Trump is Gone Edition)

Holy fucking shit, Trump is gone!!!! Yes, I know, I’ve been REALLY slacking on new content, I was too busy agonizing over whether or not I’d get to live for another four years. I didn’t think I’d ever be relieved to hear that a rapist with dementia has just been elected President of the United States… which sounds really fucked up when I put it like that. Yes, this wasn’t exactly a huge progressive victory, but it does mean that things might get at least a little bit better.

While I’m certainly not intending to quit writing about politics, I am definitely going to take a well deserved break from it. Besides, I definitely need to catch up on some of these game reviews. I’m not going to bother with a recap of last month since I only posted my review of Home, so I may as well just jump right into what’s been up.

While Trump losing re-election is a major load off my mind, I still can’t shake the lingering depression and fatigue that I have been struggling with for months. This has been an ongoing issue with me that has consistently gotten in the way of me posting consistent updates. It seems to be a matter of whether or not I have the energy to right, and lately, it feels like I haven’t had it as much as I used to. That isn’t to say I’ve been completely lacking in it, just that I don’t know if I can make any guarantees as to how quickly I can get content out.

I mean, it’s already November 9th and I haven’t even gotten my site update piece out. It’s quite clear that my tank is pretty low on juice, but it at least seems to be in the process of filling back up. Yes I know, I say this shit every other month, but considering that I have basically been dividing my attention between games and politics for two years, It has been hard for me to divide my attention.

While I likely will resume political writing in the near future, the current plan is to catch up of the game reviews I had planned. My next review will be of Rance 5D: The Lonely Girl, and it will likely get a lot of views since my reviews of eroge always outperform everything else I do because you all are pervs. Although I suppose I’m not complaining given I’m kind of a disgusting degenerate as well.

After that, there are a bunch of other games that I am holding off on mentioning in case I decide to not review them. I have recently been starting to think of all the games I can look forward to covering and playing, and it seems like that drive may finally be coming back… if you couldn’t tell, I’m writing this a few days after I was talking about having no energy.

Jesus fucking Christ, writing site update pieces can be so awkward sometimes. I tend to be naturally reserved, so I don’t often want to talk about what has been going on in my day to day life. Hell if I were to explain what shit happened in the past to make me hesitant to open up, It would fucking destroy my mood and send me spiraling into depression and irritability because BPD REALLY fucking sucks!

And instead, I’m just rambling about whatever comes to mind. Remember when I used to talk about how the Site is doing? About how it is doing views or my experience in writing whatever piece I did? That was back when Guardian Acorn was steadily increasing in views because I kept putting out consistent content instead of two updates a month? Well hopefully that starts up again soon.

It is becoming apparent that I just can’t write about politics and gain a decent amount of views. The only people whose views anyone wants to hear about are those that already have a large following. That’s not to say I’m going to give up completely, but it does tell me that if I just volunteered instead of writing then I may have actually accomplished more, and that’s ultimately pretty discouraging because it’s not like I’m good at anything else. I’m deathly afraid of going outside or interacting with people I don’t know.

I just really wonder whether or not I’m biting off more than I can chew here, because it’s in my very nature to feel like I need to do more. I mean, the sheer fact that I’m even considering running for office someday is absolutely insane. Politics is an especially grueling career even for well adjusted people with no mental health issues. I don’t even work a real job and I still have to fend off suicidal thoughts and urges. There’s a genuine possibility I’d end up going the way of Robert Budd Dwyer. I mean, he’s from the same state as me after all.

And I just recently read about how AOC has been considering leaving politics for quite some time as well, and again, she never had any serious mental health issues (at least as far as I know). So why the hell have I not completely ruled this out? Because, against my own better judgement, I just don’t have the ability to tune out the injustice in the world around me, and I care too much for my own good.

And I do think that would be my advantage if I ever actually went through with it; I’d develop a strong following, but I’d hate every minute of it. Yet the fact that I am genuinely considering this makes me kind of nervous. I mean, I’m “considering it” in the sense that I haven’t ruled it out completely despite having every reason to, and the fact that I would like to do whatever I can to make this world a better place.

I feel so damn sorry for anyone who followed this blog because they wanted to see me write about video games and now need to listen to my delusions of grandeur that I’m cut out for anything other than the life I’m living right now. This is how “all over the place” my thoughts are, and they cycle through this a lot. Truth be told, I have no idea how I’m even being perceived, and whether or not this comes across as endearing or cringe worthy.

Anyway, I guess it’s time to shout out my patrons, who are the same as the last update but are still very much appreciated. Special thanks to Krista, Brittany Eakin, Sam Dermody, IceTheRetroKid, bluedesolation, Dia, and Rin Marina. I’d also love to give an extra special thanks to my partners Aurin Huber, Madeline Koeppel, Samie Crystal, and Brittany Eakin. Yes, Brittany gets mentioned twice because she’s amazing and I love her.

If you’d like to support me so I can create better content, then please consider pledging to my Patreon, where you will also get access to some rewards based on how much you pledge.

Anyway, I have no idea what the future holds, but it is certainly interesting, and I’ll do my best to make sure I see as much of it as I can.

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