I think it’s safe to say that I am starting to become more active with frequent updates in the past few months. While the amount of reviews posted isn’t as high as they used to be, there is more to this blog than just reviews. I constantly go back and forth between whether or not I should take a break from political writing given that my political pieces don’t gain as much views, but I’ve said before that this blog was never just about video games. Guardian Acorn was always meant to be an expression of myself, and that’s how it’s going to stay.
That being said, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to truly focus on just politics or games. The reason for this being that writing about politics is tiring. It is because of this that I didn’t manage to keep going with my Weekly Bern series when I was already hard at work on Pink Tsunami pieces. They take significantly more time and effort than game reviews, so burnout will inevitably occur, but I’m also too invested in politics for said burnout to be permanent. If anything, I will likely calm down on politics significantly after the 2020 election given that there isn’t as much to talk about during off years.
Anyway, here’s last month’s article recap.
I’m quite satisfied with my output last month, managing to get out two Pink Tsumani pieces and a review that I’ve been putting off for quite some time. I’m also getting close to finishing a third Pink Tsunami piece for Oregon’s elections. Given the amount of primaries that occur in June, I’m unsure if I’ll be able to cover all the important ones even with a month to do so. And that’s not even taking the potential burnout into account. My best bet is to just do what I can and see what happens.
In regards to game reviews, there are four games I have completed that I have yet to write reviews for. The games in question are Dragon Quest III, Duck Season, MOTHER 3, and The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening. While I know fully well that I don’t need to write a review of every game I play, I often find that most games I play, I plan to review by default. Granted there are some times where I decide to just not review a game, but there is this constant thought based around creating future content based on what I’m currently doing.
I’m not sure what else there is to discuss aside from my personal life, which I haven’t gone into quite as often despite “personal” being in the title of these pieces. I seem to be holding up surprisingly well considering my past history. I haven’t had any serious breakdowns in a while and I seem to be getting enough content up at a decent rate. The only problem is that I also feel emotionally exhausted a lot of the time.
I am often surprised by the amount of people who tell me I’ve made a strong impact on their lives, and I fear bringing this up out of concern that it will be taken as “bragging.” In reality, I have a bad case of imposter syndrome, in that I don’t feel like anyone special and worry about fitting in among those I generally perceive as successful and accomplished.
While I know fully well that success and power are given to them by others, and that most people don’t actively “feel” successful, I still feel a strange sense of disconnect to the fact that I have so many people who think I’m amazing and wonderful, yet I’m so helpless in regards to my own well being. It’s to the point where I’m an unemployed, community college drop out, and I’m talking to a congressional candidate and political organizer who went to the same high school as Hillary Clinton, and have her say I’ve been an inspiration to her.
Perhaps it’s because I’ve been conditioned to think that I’m nothing more than my current place in life, and a lot of internalized classist and ableist ideas. The idea that if I’m not toiling away at a tedious 9 to 5 job to earn a pay check to have my own house and afford my own thing. I am privileged enough that my dad recognizes how severe my mental illnesses are, and that I will have a place to stay and food to eat if anything goes wrong.
There’s this elementary level “you only hate capitalism because you’re too weak to succeed at it” phrase being repeated ad nauseam in the back of my mind. Something that is harmful not because it’s true, but just because of how many people willingly believe it despite its lack of truth. It hurts much in the same way as hearing “you’ll never be a real woman” does because truth does not matter when the population at large just pretends it doesn’t exist.
On top of that, I’ve just been emotionally exhausted most of the time these past few days, which is part of why this piece was finished so late into the month. But anyway, it’s time for patron shout outs. I’d like to thank to Brittany Eakin, Krysta Hunt, Dia, IceTheRetroKid, Rinnie S, Sam Dermody, bluedesolation, and Winter. Even more than usual, I want to express that you mean a lot to me given how difficult things are right now.
If you’d like to support me and this blog, and believe me I could use as much support as I can get. Please consider pledging to my Patreon, or sharing my work online or with anyone you know. You are also welcome to join my Discord server if you’d ever like to chat with me and my peeps.
But most important of all, keep on pushing. We will see this through to the end!