Bottom 5 Games Reviewed on Guardian Acorn in its First Year

I have covered the best games reviewed on this site in its first year and now it is time to look at the opposite side of the coin. The bottom of the barrel, the cream of the crap, the digitized disasters, etc. While I tend to focus more on the critical analysis of games that are remotely decent or substantive, I certainly have not been any stranger to tearing terrible games a new one. Hell that’s basically the entire point of my  Steam Greenlight Landfill series.

As a reminder, the entries on this list are only including games I reviewed between January 1st of 2017 to May 6th of 2018. The reason for this specific time frame is to include the titles I reviewed for Brash Games before starting up this blog in the running since I like having more material to work with. However I also prefer to be working with stuff I actually reviewed remotely recently as opposed to four year old GameFAQs edits. Anyway,, without further delay, let’s revisit five terrible Steam releases you never heard of an will promptly forget about after you finish reading this!

#5: FEMINAZI: The Triggering (PC, 2017)

With a title this immature, I don’t think a blurb is even necessary…

#4: Mi…

Okay fine I’ll write about FEMINAZI anyway. It’s just that this game is a reminder of how politicized gaming has become and how chuds are unbelievable hypocrites in that they lose their shit over the fact that games like Depression Quest or Gone Home have audiences while they also attempt to support garbage like this to “trigger the SJWs.” And keep in mind that I did not like Depression Quest or Gone Home but at least those games TRIED to do something of artistic merit.

FEMINAZI is merely a game that exists to mock and do nothing else. Sure, its developer says that it’s a “meme game” but that’s basically just code for “game whose only notable quality is being stupid.” I’m not even going to give this game’s developers the benefit of criticizing the message and will just stick with the fact that its gameplay is shallow and repetitive with no strategy involved and that the game looks like it was child’s drawing. There are at least two benefits I can grant FEMINAZI. The first of this is that it inspired some of the funniest material I have put in a review, and the second is that it is at least a finished product, which is a lot more than cab be said about the next four entries.

#4: Midnight Carnival (PC, 2016)

And here we have the second game featured in the “Edgy Bundle” on Steam. The third game in the bundle The Housewife I did not get to play at the time because my computer was a piece of crap and couldn’t run it, so it thankfully meant that I could refund this bundle and get my $2.00 so HAHA fuck you Back to Basics Gaming! I kept my money AND I get to make fun of your low quality products in an article that will not actually prevent anyone from getting them since no one would have anyway! IN YOUR FACE!!!

As for Midnight Carnival, it is bad even by the standards of Renp’y trash released on Steam. Midnight Carnival has music that is so grating and terrible that I had to mute my computer to play it, an awkward translation, no ending, only twenty minutes of content, and a main character whose depression is so poorly written and insulting that it makes Depression Quest look like the actual masterpiece that Nathan Grayson says it is by comparison. Yes I know Grayson didn’t actually review Depression Quest, it’s called a joke, which is also how I would describe Kotaku’s journalistic standards and Midnight Carnival.

#3: Ghostie Quest (PC, 2017)

According to this game’s Steam page, it was originally released in 1999 but I cannot find any sources that confirm this so I’m just going to assume that this was made up to make the game look less shit. Granted that doesn’t do a good job since we have had amazing 2D platformers since the 80s but this game really does need whatever credit it can get because it is flat out horrendous.

Ghostie Quest is a train wreck of a 2D platformer that takes obvious “inspiration” from Super Mario Bros 1 but forgot that you need to actually be remotely entertaining or fun. Normally I’d be complaining that this type of nostalgia pandering garbage doesn’t know what made Super Mario Bros 1 or any classic platformer hold up but even by the standards of mediocre Mario clones this game fails. There is unbearable lag present in this game where your player character will not jump until a full second after you press the button and it will take five seconds for you to reach the ground.

On top of this you have horrendous level design and production values that are cheap even by the standards of Steam Greenlight trash. I’m convinced that our main character is a ghost only so there was an excuse to have no animations. Music invokes no sense of mood or style, the only difference between levels is that the blocks are different colors, and the whole thing is barely playable trash that no one in the right mind can enjoy.

#2: Final Quest II (PC, 2016)

Do you know how unrelentingly putrid a game has to be to make the first Final Quest look good in comparison? If not then Final Quest may be the answer that you never wanted to know. This is without a doubt the worst commercially released RPG I’ve ever played and likely ever will. Final Quest II is so lazily and half assedly put together that even I could do better than this working on my own and I have literally no experience.

You ever hear of Hoshi Wo Miru Hito? An infamous Famicom RPG among Japanese gamers that it earned a nickname that is basically the English equivalent of “legendary shitty game?” Final Quest II is worse than that game, and this game was made with an already existing game engine. Hoshi Wo Miru Hito was at least made with its own engine and assets. Final Quest II is so poorly put together and tedious that the thought of playing it through all the way makes me feel nauseous.

I can’t even bring myself to describe this game because it’s so embarrassingly bad. It’s an unfinished barely functional mess that i can barely even stomach. The only reason this isn’t number 1 is because the actual number 1 is so lacking in substance that I can’t even muster the same feelings of disgust for it.

#1: Vickinachi (PC, 2017)

Vickinachi is a literal game about nothing. Okay technically you wander through haphazardly designed rooms made in RPG Maker with no battles, music, dialogue, puzzles, or ending. I’m convinced that this game is actually one of Coda’s “playable games” that he sent to Davey Wreden“… I really need to write a review for that game…

I don’t even feel like writing a blurb for this game so I’ll just quote my review…

don’t know what else to say; Vickinachi is an unfinished game. What is even worse is that Vickinachi is not even an early access title, meaning that there isn’t even going to be a patch or anything; this IS the intended result! Design wise, this may be the worst game I have ever played. The only solace I can take is that I at least did not give any money to Hariharan S. Vickinachi is a game that would not be out of place in a haunted game creepypasta, and I don’t mean the hyper realistic blood and gore, distorted music, and Kefka laugh creepypastas either. I mean the slightly better ones that describe a nonexistent game that is permeated with emptiness and only exists as a plot device. Unless Vickinachi turns out to be a cursed game and you are a bad horror movie trope, Vickinachi is worthless.

Anyway that concludes the Bottom 5 titles of Guardian Acorn’s first year, but the good news is that these games are easy to just forget about. Hell I probably should have wrote this before the Top 5 but considering that I came off of a serious heartbreak, I’m going to use this as an excuse to give a motivational speech.

Remember that regardless of what horrific experiences we go through, we always tend to emphasize the good ones more prominently. While going through bad times, it may feel like it’s always been that way but it’s important to remember that the reverse is also true. Always focus on the good times and never let life’s worst experiences trick you into thinking that’s all there is.

Dishonerable Mentions

#6 Bleed (360/PC/XONE/PS4/Switch, 2012)

#7 Final Quest (PC, 2016)

#8 Legends of the Universe: Starcore (PC, 2016)

#9 Attacking Zegeta (Ouya/PS4, 2014)

#10 Giana Sisters 2D (DS/PC/Ios/Android/Ouya, 2009)

#11 Inuyasha: Secret of the Divine Jewel (DS, 2007)

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