MAJOR Trigger Warning for Rape and sexual abuse! Also misandry, misogyny, homophobia, transphobia, and domestic abuse.
I, among many others, was not originally going to talk about this subject. The reason for this is because the left has the habit of making hashtags but doing nothing with them. They are almost always a call for action, but never any action that follows; the popular term for this is “slacktivism,” to mock the laziness and lack of ambition on the part of those who engage in it. Yes, I am not one to criticize since I post in hashtags as well, and I have used what is normally a blog for gaming and other nerd related interests to get on my own soapbox, but I at least have the excuse of being poor and agoraphobic while I see dozens of others far more capable than myself who do even less than me; and even then, I at least write my own pieces with my potential detractors in mind.
I have never had any interest in preaching to the choir; I have always wanted to speak to those who are not convinced, but have the capacity to be just as long as the right person comes along. Despite my small status, I am glad to say that I have made an impact on those who have heard what I have to say, and this tells me that all I need to do is reach a wider audience. So trust me, I would be getting out there and doing real activism if I was able to, and I do seriously want to in the future, but I need to take care of myself first, so for now, you have my words here.
The hashtag #MeToo has been working lately as an attempt to draw awareness to just how big the scope of sexual abuse and harassment is, and has been created in response to Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein being outed as a serial rapist. There are quite a few things I feel the need to voice my opinion on in regards to this hashtag, so I will start with the main purpose of it. Regular followers of mine likely know that I wasn’t always an ardent feminist. In fact, I have touched on how I have previously supported the Men’s Rights movement and GamerGate, and I supported them strongly.
At that time, I found the feminist concept of “rape culture” to be utterly absurd. There was, and still is, an often cited statistic that 1 in 5 women are raped, and that it was so often framed as if it was a “women only” thing. There was a popular quote that used by a lot of feminists that went something along the lines of “the thing a man fears most in prison is what a woman fears most walking down the street.” I HATED this quote back then, and to be honest, I still hate it now.
The reason I hate this quote is because of the sheer insensitivity it has towards male rape victims. Yes, apparently the only time men can be raped is in prison by another man; it NEVER happens anywhere else. Furthermore, male on female rape is the only kind that is universally considered bad! Male on male rape? That’s hilarious and only happens to prisoners who deserve it and gay people are immune to it! “Female on male rape? What kind of queer doesn’t want to have sex with a woman, what a faggot! Unless she’s ugly then that’s hilarious. Female on female? That’s hot and women are too weak to do any serious harm to someone so it’s okay! But male on female? That shit is utterly despicable, and anyone who does such a thing is a horrible scumbag who deserves nothing but the worst punishment imaginable.
That last sentence is NOT untrue. Rapists are despicable scumbags who deserve hell. The problem is that this should apply to ALL rapists, not just male ones, and not just those who rape women. I am sure that even most feminists will agree with me on this, or at least I hope so. The problem is that there have been a fair bit of feminists who are shouting down male victims of rape because they do not fit “the narrative.” The point of this hashtag is, supposedly, to highlight how many women are victims of sexual assault, and how much “toxic masculinity” plays into rape culture. They do this because they think that anyone who shares a story about how they were raped by a woman is undermining their cause. Allow me to explain why this isn’t the case.
First of all, “men” are not the only ones responsible for upholding rape culture. I’m not even referring to female rapists or male rape victims here; I’m referring to women who voluntarily participate in it. For example, Harvey Weinstein being exposed has brought it forth that Hollywood is a cesspit of rape and exploitation of women. Do you really think that it is only men who are upholding this standard? Do you really think there were no women involved in trying to cover up all the sickening shit that goes on behind the scenes? If so, then congratulations, you’re delusional!
There are plenty of women in Hollywood, and I can guarantee you that a good portion of them are rape enablers or even rapists themselves. None of them give a damn about “women’s rights,” and they aren’t getting in on this shit to “uphold the patriarchy.” They do it because they want to line their pockets with cash and will exploit anything and anyone to get it. Evil knows no gender, and neither does rape culture.
Furthermore, “rape culture” is an abstract concept without any set rules or standards. There isn’t an established and enforced principal in Hollywood that “women can be the only people exploited by rape”… unless we are talking about their movies that is. There are no rules to rape culture! Although if there were, “Don’t talk about rape culture” would probably be rule number 1 & 2… just like in Fight Club… because no one has ever made that reference before…
The reason women make up the most victims of rape is not because rape culture, it’s about another widely used (and often mocked) feminist term; patriarchy! You know, that whole thing that says that our society was built on and/or still is based around values that claim women are weaker and inferior? It’s kinda… the entire basis of feminism you know. If the common views are that women are weaker and are not the privileged sex, then of course they are going to be exploited and abused more. If the genders were reversed and women were the privileged sex, then MEN would make up most victims. If both sexes were seen as equal in standing to each other, then there would be an even split between men and women as victims. Rape culture isn’t going to disappear if we get rid of sexism, it’s just going to hurt more men. And no, it is not likely that any less women will be abused either.
If we only focus on female rape victims, then we are not combating rape culture, we are only saying that they aren’t abusing enough men, and I don’t think that is what ANY of us want to say, and if that is what you want to say then you are no better than Harvey Weinstein. Now, I don’t want to focus too much on trying to sell the “men get raped to” point, so I will link to a video that does by one of the most intelligent internet personalities I know; TheMysteriousMrEnter.
Note that I am currently boycotting Youtube due to their demonetization of trans related content and airing of transphobic ads. I am in the process of removing all Youtube links from my blog to avoid giving this website any traffic, regardless of how much I can really accomplish with such a small presence. This is the ONLY exception I will make to this boycott, so this should demonstrate just how pertinent it is that ANYONE reading this should watch this video in its entirety, where he branches off of his video on the Family Guy episode “Peterassment.” Even if you are in strong support of advocacy to male victims of rape, hell even if you are an ardent men’s rights activist, it is STILL pertinent that you watch this video, as this is some very strong eye opening stuff.
Unfortunately, since I know not everyone is going to, I will try to sum up the key points. Female rapists can get pregnant, and if they do, their victim will often be forced by law to pay child support to their rapist. This is even true when the victim is a teenager or a child! Furthermore, more men are raped in prison than women are OUT OF Prison, you know, just to bring that earlier quote full circle. Conversely, if you are in a woman’s prison, you are three times more likely to be raped by an inmate than in a male’s prison. (To provide full disclosure, a large portion of prison rape is perpetrated by the guards. I am unsure of what the exact percentage, but I will acknowledge that in women’s prisons, it is mostly by men)
I would also like to address the often cited claim that most women don’t report rape. While I do not think that this is untrue, I do find it overwhelmingly hypocritical to use this argument while only citing statistics for male rape victims and women who were raped by other women. If anything, these people are even LESS likely to report their rape due to not only the fact that they are less likely to be taken seriously, but also because they may be more easily gaslighted into believing they weren’t abused.
They may stay silent because hate groups will take advantage of any news of any LGBT people or Muslims committing any heinous offenses in an attempt to smear the entire group. Or they may speak out about their rapists but be silenced by the community out of the same fear, and the same people who were quick to believe all accusations about Bill Cosby, Harvey Weinstein, or Dr. Luke.
I’m rather dissatisfied with how the left seems to not practice what they preach whenever one of their own is outed as a sexual abuser. The fact that people like Sarah Nyberg, and Lena Dunham can have so much evidence piled up against them, yet many still look past this while Milo Yiannopoulos loses his book deal, job, and reputation because he made a joke about pedophilia to cope with his own abuse. (Before anyone gets any ideas, I don’t support Milo Yiannopoulos and think he got what he deserved, but I don’t feel it was for the right reason)
A culture where victims are ostracized and abusers are shielded… that sounds an awful lot like rape culture if you ask me. And I have to ask how this is any different than with Harvey Weinstein? They are both cases of serial abusers being protected due to their influence in their communities. How are the people that leap to the defense of someone like Nyberg because of their influence in the community any different from those that defended Bill Cosby because of his influence?
I get that it can be troubling to realize that someone you look up to can do something so heinous, and that it really hurts, but if you really cared about these people, you wouldn’t let them do shit like this! You should instead discourage bad behavior and encourage them to own up to what they did and strive to be a better person from now on. These people are lucky that they never ended up in prison for what they did; they were given the chance to move on from what they did and put that behind them. Instead, they continue to deny or attempt to justify what they did and in some cases, they do it again!
Society may not agree with this, but it’s never too late to change. If these people admitted to their wrong doings and actively resisted the urge to continue doing so, then it could send an important message to those who still do! That is what we need to do, not shielding these people from exposure! I also get that sites like Breitbart will be all over them, but what will look more damaging to the trans community; having a prominent member outed as a sexual abuser and their community condemning them, or having a prominent member outed and their community defending them?
Yes, false accusations do exist, but by that logic, you should be defending Weinstein and Cosby as well. I get that the right is full of assholes that think are trans women are sexual abusers and rapists, and I’m not saying you should instantly believe someone with a vendetta against trans people. But maybe when we have people within OUR OWN COMMUNITY calling them out, we should listen to them and not assume they are lying.
I’m not saying all of this out of a personal vendetta against the feminist movement, and I’m not saying this because I believe men are not the primary perpetrators of rape; I’m saying this because rape culture is EVERYWHERE, even in the feminist movement, and we should be striving to purge it from our own movement first and foremost. Otherwise, how can we be trusted to purge it from the rest of society? How will we put an end to rape culture if we only focus on instances of women being raped by men, and silence those who speak about their own rape. Rape culture hurts EVERYONE, and it is perpetuated by almost ALL of us in some way, just by some more than others. If we want to truly put an end to rape culture, we need to pull it out by the roots.
And once again, let me reiterate, I am in full support of the hashtag being used to give voices to women about their sexual abuse at the hands of men; I hope that is assumed from the start and that no one disagrees. I also hope that it is assumed that I think we need to put an end to the disgusting rape apologia that still permeates our culture. I simply dislike how anyone else harmed by rape are being silenced and shamed, and how male victims of rape are just being told they need to treat women better. Instead, we should ALL learn to be better people and condemn sexual abuse and its perpetrators in EVERY FORM!
If anyone accuses me of pulling an “All Lives Matter,” the difference is that NO ONE is trying to derail activism against rape, while “All Lives Matter” is meant to trivialize racism against black people and is never used outside of that context. If you are EVER trying to silence the voice of a rape victim, you are perpetuating rape culture; no exceptions. It is shameful to see victims of rape engaging in the same tactics as their abusers.
Instead of simply telling men to “do better,” you should tell EVERYONE to call out this disgusting behavior wherever they see it; regardless of their gender, regardless of their social status, regardless of their profession, and regardless of their ideology! You cannot truly be against rape culture if you encourage it just as long as the victim or the perpatrator fills out the correct boxes.
Lastly, I would just like to say… me too.
Yes, it has happened to me to. Some has been prior to my transition while I was in middle school, by both men and women. Boys made uncomfortable sexual remarks to me because they think it’s funny, girls did so because they think guys like that shit. Literally none of them knew it was sexual harassment, and neither did I. Of course, I rarely get out of the house so I don’t even get much of a chance to be sexually harassed post transition, except of course for assholes online. Women online dealing with thirsty fuckboys begging for nudes or sending pictures of their cocks is so prevalent that it has become a joke.
Or there are anonymous assholes that send comments like “you’re only angry that you’re too ugly to be raped” and whatnot. One person I know had a friend of his who told me he’ll slap me across the fact with his dick while making some comment about me being fat and ugly so it would help me or something. And the friend of mine that knew him basically just told me “don’t let him get to you” and likely said nothing to that disgusting scumbag that happens to be his friend. Even worse was that the reason I got in an argument with that asshole was because he was mocking my friend (who was also his friend apparently) and I called him out on it.
There are probably more that I can think of, but the thing is that it has been rather tame with me compared to some people I know. Some I know were just flat out raped, some as children. I never even thought too heavily about this subject before, but I’m pretty much willing to admit it now; we live in a rape culture. We DO, in fact, live in a rape culture not because we think rape is okay, but because most of us don’t know the boundaries of what is or is not rape or sexual assault, and we don’t know the true extent to how much it manifests. Rape culture is ingrained deeper in our society than most of us can possibly imagine, and the only way we can get rid of it is to surgically remove it. Similarly to that of cancer, if even one cell remains, then everything else will just grow back; so the only solution is to remove it all at once.
At the end of most of my articles, I have a copy pasted message telling you all about my Patreon account, and asking you to share the article on social media. However, I feel as though the latter is especially important this time, as I feel this is the most important issue I have written about as of yet, and I want this to be seen by as many people as possible and to be known by as many people as possible. So if you agreed with this piece, PLEASE share it and encourage others to do so. I may have a small presence, but I want to do whatever I can to spread awareness of this phenomenon… even if I am only a slacktivist.